The Granola Mine: 2009-04-19

Friday, April 24, 2009

A long stretch

FMD Crankmonkey unearths this familiar and valuable ore: Stacy Keibler smoking hot.

Boned! 2012: The Grid Crashes

Quetzalcoatl warned you this would happen.

The Geomagnetic Apocalypse — And How to Stop It | Wired Science from Wired.com

Power grid operators now rely on one satellite called ACE, which sits about a million miles out from Earth in what's called the gravity well, the balancing point between sun and earth. It was designed to run for five years. It's 11 years old, is losing steam, and there are no plans to replace it.

It's Swedish for "Hey, I wanted that!"

Nope, not recommended.

A Swede has been jailed for attacking a cashier at a branch of a state monopoly alcohol retailer, Systembolaget, on the Baltic island of Öland.

[....]

The thirsty Swede visited the branch with the intention of buying half a dozen bottles of cider only to discover at the cash desk that he had no means in his wallet with which to fund his purchase.

As the cashier began to collect back in the bottles, the man put his finger to his nostril, blew hard and showered the hapless shop assistant with the contents of his nasal passage.

Hit me with a bodily subtance? Yeah, that's a paddlin'.

This sordid, nasal affair (and accompanying image) was brought to my attention from the far less gross Olivia Munn.

Poor Chun Li...

Amazing Street Fighter 3 match, despite that Chun Li gets handled.

Parenting FAIL: Gang Edition

Father/son bonding in Fresno: Gang member accused of forcing son's tattoo.

The boy's parents are separated, and the boy was staying with his father during the Easter break, said police spokesman Jeff Cardinale.

[Fresno Police Detective Jesse] Ruelas, who said the boy is "traumatized," gave the following account:

On Friday night, the boy and [the boy's father, Enrique, alias Henry] Gonzalez were at [fellow banger Travis] Gorman's house, where Gonzalez was getting a tattoo. Gonzalez asked his son whether he wanted to get a tattoo. The boy said "no," but his father held him down around his rib cage and waist while Gorman inked on the tattoo.

If I had to guess, Ricky wasn't too keen on his custody arrangement and was looking to renegotiate. Helluva way to get it to ZERO, though.

Image of (too good for a wanksta) Neuma Hybrid Tattoo Machine sourced from Uncrate.

"You're not going to believe this shit..."

Caught wind of this, so to speak, just before catching transport to The Mine.

Manure fell off a truck and is blocking the three right lanes of westbound state Highway 37 in Vallejo this morning, according to the California Highway Patrol.

CHP was sending traffic in bursts as frontloaders maneuvered to scrape the pavement. Early morning drizzle had turned that manure into mud, and the bucket scoops were sparking as they scraped. I can only imagine those commuters who were stopped and their calls to work...

"There's shit on the road. No, not generic shit like a shredded tire or a tarp or a dead dog or a dinette set. Yes, it is bullshit. Or maybe steer shit, I'm not sure..."

Breakfast Granola for 4/24/9

To everyone on the interwebbs, especially you impressionable (and hopefully hot) girls on the Myspaces and Facebooks taking mirrorshots of yourselves: Pedobear lives.

Coed Magazine has a gallery of galleries to document this phenomenon of the twittertubes.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Jeff Don't Try This At Home

BBC NEWS | Health | Trying desperately to measure up

Doctors in Asia are treating an increasing number of men with severe injuries who have tried to increase the size of their penises by injecting themselves with Vaseline and other oils.

Now doctors in the West say the trend for self-injection is catching on in the UK and the US.

See also (at risk of damaging eyes)
BMEZine - Silicone Injections
Googe Images: Silicone Injections

Boned! Seven People in California and Texas Get New Swine Flu

That's all we need. I'm sure we've kept up funding for pandemic flu in this economy.

Reuters AlertNet - Seven people in U.S. hit by strange new swine flu

Seven people have been diagnosed with a strange and unusual new kind of swine flu in California and Texas, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported on Thursday.

All seven people have recovered but the virus itself is a never-before-seen mixture of viruses typical among pigs, birds and humans, the CDC said.

Cthulhu's Army Trains - Zombie Yoga

Cower before your master's army preparing.

See Zombie Yoga: 100 undead, doing poses in the park - Boing Boing TV

A Random Stack Of Milani

Just a collection of Denise Milani pictures from Caveman Circus that I couldn't say no to.

Sweet Love on the street

YouTube - Athlone Scumbags With Subtitles

Watch the Wizard Squirm - Top 10 Taser Videos

I'm the first person in line to outlaw the use of Tasers and I'm even more against fascism. That being said, these are quite funny.

Check out Top 10 Videos Of People Getting Tasered! | Caveman Circus

More Jesikah Maximus

It's been a while since she's been in the mine, so let's dig her back up.

Check out the gallery Jesikah Maximus Could Get It | Hail Mary Jane

Jeff bust out the oil, here's the girls that will pump your iron

There are some fine young ladies that will set Jeff straight. He'll just shut up and take what their giving.

Check out's Jeff's Feisty Female Bodybuilders at Kontraband

Is this some furry fetish thing?

via TYWKIWDBI: Impressive wolf costume

Purple Pills

Today's tract from (the Black Books version of) The Little Book Of Calm: Sometimes, you have to discover your calm. Imagine that you have a map to Jessica Burciaga. You are a calm shovel.

Jessica Burciaga was found on F-listed.

Kelly Brook Min Gallery at the London Dungeon

Considering all of the Kelly Brook luv on the intergoogles these days (see some of the luv), I figured I had to post this one. Just because it made me wonder....why does she have a sword at a dungeon? Unless she is liberating the prisoners, I think she doesn't get the concept.

Check out Kelly Brook In Latex At The London Dungeon

Photoshop Tomfoolery

A GI Joe that doesn't suck? GI Joe: Resolute

Sorry Moscow, your boned...

Check out GI Joe: Resolute

Terrorism. Murder. Blood. Bullets. Darkness. This is the G.I. Joe cartoon you've been waiting 25 years for. G.I. Joe: Resolute (free) is a new animated mini-series featuring classic Joes and Cobra operatives that's sure to make the live action movie look even more like a turd.

via G.I. Joe: Resolute | Uncrate

More Lucy Pinder Goodness

Lucy Pinder finds her way on the mine again today. Funtasticus has yet another gallery, this time with what appears to be some of her earlier work scans.

Check out Lucy Pinder photo gallery | Funtasticus.com

Breakfast Granola for 4/23/9

If you've seen The Spirit, then you'll recognize this ass as Sand Saref's. Otherwise, it's just Eva Mendes to you.

Eva Mendes was found on Popholic via Hollywood Tuna.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Athlete Camel Toes

A whole bunch of camel toes. Pretty much fail, unless you're into that kind of thing...

Check out The World of Isaac: THE 30 WORST MOMENTS IN ATHLETE CAMEL TOE

Humpday Ass: Seanna Mitchell Gallery

Kinda like a cross between Lindsey Lohan and Elizabeth Hurley

Check out the gallery Seanna Mitchell breathless

Someone got the memo

Teen shits bricks after deputy ambush; follows up by selling out

A teenager suspected of car burglary was so surprised when he opened a car door to find a police officer sitting inside that he messed his pants, police said.

[....]

The 16-year-old boy turned and ran, chased by [Salt Lake County sheriff's deputy Chad ] Taylor, who called 911 as he ran after the teen through the neighborhood. The boy was scrambling so fast, Taylor said, he lost his shoes. Centerville police responded to help catch the teen.

[...]

The boy dashed into a friend's house, where a party was going on, police said. Officers were let into the house where they found him — and discovered that he had soiled himself, [Centerville Police Lt. Paul] Child said.

"You could smell him," Taylor said. "He told us, 'Yeah, I crapped my pants.' "

Hilarity continues as Shittypants goes punkbitch...

Police said the teen implicated a friend whom Taylor saw trying to break into cars across the street from his home.

"He gave up his friend," Child said, pointing to another 16-year-old who was also arrested in the burglary investigation.

[....]

Detectives were trying to determine if the teens were involved in a rash of weekend car break-ins.

"We've had some more reports over the weekend that we're sure they're suspects in," Child said.

Try THIS at home!

Homemade bacon? WHAT. UP.

Found on Boing Boing.

Iranian drone FAIL

In a blunder worthy of Photoshop Disasters, Iran beclowns itself as both militarily and photographically weak.

Iranian state-run news agency Press TV ran a story on its website this week praising the unveiling of an Iranian-made drone, that according to the Israeli daily Maariv bears a striking resemblance to an earlier photo taken in Israel of an Israeli-made drone. In an article run this week on the Maariv website, the photo used by Press TV of the Iranian drone is shown above a remarkably similar photo from Israel Aerospace Industries of the Heron 1 Israeli drone. The two photos appear to be exactly the same, with the angle of the shot and the clouds in the background identical in appearance.

Iran's EPIC FAIL found on Haaretz via Mere Rhetoric.

Lunchtime LOLZ

moar funny pictures

From the Failblog subsidiary, Lolcelebs.

Chock Full of Win: Bacon Soup Dumplings

This sounds like food of the gods. Many cheers to the creators.

Check out Beer & Nosh » Blog Archive » MSF Bacon Soup Dumplings

A thin layer of dumpling skin holds the whole thing together, encapsulating a nugget of Benton’s bacon, ground pork, and chives. The broth is the real star of the show - it’s infused with a over indulgent smokey bacon flavor that dominates the flavors, and leaves you wanting just one more dumpling.

Well at least it was a female stripper

Image via Wikipedia

UNL suspends Sigma Chi fraternity following hazing allegations

The University of Nebraska-Lincoln on Tuesday suspended Sigma Chi fraternity after newly unsealed court documents detailed a series of alleged hazing incidents, including one in which a stripper allegedly used a vibrator to anally penetrate a fraternity pledge during an initiation party.

Reporting for duty titty

I love that Alyssa Milano loves the troops almost as much as I love her boobs.

That censoring? From The Grumpiest, but they have the NSFW ones underneath. Yeah, it's not much, but what do you expect on a Wednesday?

Captain Alyssa Milano's heroic right breast is stationed at The Grumpiest.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

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