Thursday, December 31, 2009

We go out with...

...Denise Milani and her amazofantabulous ass. See you next year!

Found via Hollywood Tuna on Hit Hip Hop.

My New Year's resolution will be...

...to lend a hand whenever possible, starting with Jelena Jensen. Thank you, please drive through.

Found on Hollywood Tuna.

Deeper than a Navy SEAL

Somebody get me one of these for New Year's!

Found on Holy Taco with a minor treasure trove of related feminine win.

Breakfast Granola for 12/31/9

FMD Crankmonkey unearthed a list of the 10 most NSFW music videos, and from it I refined out this gem...

Major Lazer "Pon De Floor" from Eric Wareheim on Vimeo.



This awesome bit of daggering fodder is from the reggaeton/dancehall concept album Guns Don't Kill People...Lazers Do, which is about a Jamaican commando who lost an arm fighting zombies.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

$191,000 Driving sim

A different rendezvous

It was a rendezvous is a short film by Claude Lelouch; find it on the googletubes, it's worth it. Meanwhile, we have a car's-eye view of Mullholland Drive with carguy Jay Leno, but it's more accurately narrated by the AMG exhaust of the 2011 SLS he's driving. Now I want to get some Flowmasters...



Found on Jalopnik.

Breakfast Granola for 12/30/9

A hearty breakfast is a good way to start the day, and FMD Crankmonkey unearthed a rich vein of tasty, nutritious granola. Behold!

There are many names in this list that we know and love -- Jessica Burciaga, Coco Austin, Kate & Anne Madsen, Amazin' Amie, Kim Kardashian, and Denise Milani-- so I figured I'd find something interesting and new, of which there remains plenty. Who to pick...?

I give you eye-catching Monique May.

Ore located on Hit Hip Hop.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Filled with Win

Re-visit a known perspective

It's not too often that we get to see this side of Coco Austin.

I mean, you sometimes have so much fun in the backyard patio that you give short shrift to the front porch, and there's nothing wrong with the front porch.

Found on Hollywood Tuna.

And they're off!

Today's tract from (the Black Books version of) The Little Book Of Calm: Sometimes life can feel full of obstacles. Try to visualize Laura Doré on a sawhorse. What was once an obstacle is now an amusement park ride. You are the Seabiscuit of calm.

Found on Hollywood Tuna.

The Only NFL Review You Need for Week 16

The Niners won and the Raiders lost. Week 16 was what it was supposed to be.

This week's Chicken Dinner goes to the Buccaneers for capitalizing on the mistakes of the Saints and causing some victory. This week's Goat goes to Jim Caldwell for benching Peyton Manning and essentially quitting the game, thereby causing a defeat; his only redemption can be to go all the way and win the Super Bowl.

Breakfast Granola for 12/29/9

You can never EVER be this cool.

Found on Jalopnik.

Monday, December 28, 2009

What do you like on your pizza?

Toppings

Crombez = Belgian for yum?

Belgium is known for tasty things. They invented fancy waffles, arguably are the source of french fries, and have the world's largest beer brewery.

Plus Elise Crombez, pictured.

Found on Frat Fury.

You will never...

...ever be able to make/fly a paper airplane like this:

Savage

Lovely Louise Glover, convicted criminal...
A former Playboy Model of the Year who banged another woman's head against a toilet up to 10 times and broke her nose has been found guilty of assault.

Louise Glover, 26, formerly of Essex, attacked Maxine Hardcastle after accusing her of looking at her husband during a night out in Brighton in 2007.

Glover fainted, sobbed and wailed after being convicted at Hove Crown Court.

[....]

The court heard she "flipped" one minute, then showed warmth to the other women, before telling them she might be being paranoid and did not have many friends.
Redd Foxx will tell you, "Hoes is yo' enemy," especially the crazies. And it's always the pretty ones, too...

Found via F-listed (with NSFW) on the Beeb.

Breakfast Granola for 12/28/9

Take off that silly-ass hat.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas from The Granola Mine

Merry Xmas, bitches!

This "Rick James as Zardoz" Strategic Ore was extracted by Crankmonkey from Depravity Kulture.

It's beer! HOORAY BEER!

From Uncrate:
Need to get a beer-loving relative a last minute gift? The Samuel Adams Winter Classics Collection ($14-$16) is a fine option, including two bottles each of Samuel Adams Boston Lager, Samuel Adams Winter Lager, Samuel Adams Old Fezziwig Ale, Samuel Adams Holiday Porter, Samuel Adams Cranberry Lambic, and the new Samuel Adams Coastal Wheat in an easy-to-wrap box.

Breakfast Granola for 12/24/9

Behold the most epic of automotive EPIC FAIL; wait for it: 0:40...



Burning clutch has an odor that is VERY distinct from burning rubber, and it's something he should have noticed VERY quickly. Or he might have noticed if he weren't such a rich poseur that was eager to throw away the cost of tires ($600) doing something he apparently knew nothing about (i.e.: a burnout). Instead, he's out clutch money, too.

Gotta love how he wanders around the car -- popping the back hatch!? -- wondering what went wrong. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose. Next time, either learn how or use line locks, Uncle Pennybags.

Found on Jalopnik.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

What can Brown do for you?

Whatever she likes.

More UPS girls are ready to deliver on Coed.

Breakfast Granola for 12/23/9

From the pages of HEY OLIVIA, it's OG fat Asian girl Olivia Munn.

Found on Celebslam.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Haterade

For best results, view it on Youtube with comments...



It's amazing to see all the comments by female users that are pure vitriol. Ladies, call your union rep and get that fixed.

The Only NFL Review You Need for Week 15

The Niners lost and the Raiders won. Week 15 was infuriating.

This week's Chicken Dinner was once again stolen by the refs, who handed the Raiders that victory on an unthrown unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. This week's Goat goes to the Broncos defense for letting things even get that far.

Breakfast Granola for 12/22/9

Best. Xmas card. EVAR! belongs to Olivia Munn, of course. Among her gifts:
The engraving on the inside of the bracelet “You’re Fucking Classy” made me laugh out loud.
WHAT. UP.

Monday, December 21, 2009

New unknown element

On this bleak Monday, a light from the south...

Heretofore unknown Colombian Melissa Giraldo was unearthed by FMD Crankmonkey on Frat Fury.

Best. Haircut. EVAR!

I remember being fidgety during haircuts as a child. Today, I ask to get up and move around partway through to avoid flailing and yelling.

But with some whiskey in me? They could cut my hair with nail clippers and I wouldn't care.

Found with other WTF on Funtasticus.

Breakfast Granola for 12/21/9

Friday, December 18, 2009

Let's pretend it's Friday!

Because it is...

Breakfast Granola for 12/18/9

Can you spot all the FAIL in this video? Be sure to watch the whole thing...



Basically, this video's FAIL revolves around its depiction of Canadian football; i.e.: NOT football. All other FAIL is in direct correlation to this.

Found on Failblog.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

And now for something completely...

...the same.

Nikki Sanderson and her fantastic ass were found on Funtasticus.

Breakfast Granola for 12/17/9

I have no idea who Paola Corvea is, but that doesn't matter on a day like this. It's Thursday, time for the news...

She's apparently from Miami, but found on Holy Taco.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Confucious Says:

"He who goes to bed with an itchy ass...

wakes up with a smelly finger"

SITTING PROS: More relaxing, very little chance of poo ending up on the floor

SITTING CONS: Small risk of accidentally misjudging and sticking your hand in the water, harder to cover all surface area.

Gladiator 2: Men In Tights

Don't sweat the technique

Newfound ore in Shay Maria, brutally assaulting tasty candy. Poor tasty candy...

Located on Hollywood Tuna.

Breakfast Granola for 12/16/9

Skiing: high potential for death and dismemberment!

Plus, it's cold. EPIC FAIL!

Found with other WTF on Funtasticus.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I saw what you did there

El Jefe's +1 Xmas Date

Hmm, perverse, yet ...

Full Size

The Only NFL Review You Need for Week 14

The Niners won and the Raiders lost. Week 14 was not unexpected.

This week's Chicken Dinner goes to the Niners defense for forcing 7 turnovers enroute to victory over the Cards. This week's Goat goes to the Cowboys for crumbling so haphazardly, even if it was to the potent Chargers.

Breakfast Granola for 12/15/9

Uncaptioned by the 'tards at Holy Taco, but there's no mistaking Jillian Beyor.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Star Wars Monday

In case the Lyrics below make sense did not...

All Day I Dream About Starwars

Yoda, why you being a playa hata

You know I still must confront lord vader.

But luke, not ready are you!

But there's a city in the clouds where they're keepin my crew,

A jedi's gotta do what a jedi's gotta do

So now vader, im comin' for you!

Better late than never

Denise Milani and her (belated?) tribute to National Breast Cancer Awareness Month: a pink ensemble with NBCAM ribbons. Save the boobies, FEEL YOUR BOOBIES!

Found on Hollywood Tuna.

Breakfast Granola for 12/14/9

MUST. HAVE. BOTTLE. OF!
Meant to be savored and sipped at room temperature, Samuel Adams Utopias ($150) is only for the most daring of beer connoisseurs. The 2009 batch is the strongest yet, with a staggering 27% alcohol by volume rating (a standard beer is about 5%). The rich, dark, uncarbonated (and world's strongest) beer is brewed in small batches, blended, and aged in the Barrel Room at the Samuel Adams Boston Brewery, where you'll find only 53 barrels of the stuff. The limited-edition 2009 batch of Utopias is bottled in numbered, ceramic brew kettle-shaped decanters.
Found on Uncrate.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Get out the good Crystal

Today's tract from (the Black Books version of) The Little Book Of Calm: There's nothing wrong with treating yourself sometimes. Have that slice of pumpkin pie with whipped cream. Eat it with some fine silverware on the good china. Better yet, eat it off Crystal Chaya.

Heretofore unknown Crystal Chaya was found on Coed.

Awesome, and a little scary


Very little modification needed for a real gun on something like this.

Breakfast Granola for 12/11/9

English breakfast, anyone? It's on Keeley.

Unlabeled, but there's no mistaking Keeley Hazell, found on Holy Taco.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Formerly-fine Corinthian leather seating

Found on Failblog.

Breakfast Granola for 12/10/9

Elsa Pataky...acts? OK, that's all I think I know, except that it's also Thursday. Oh, dreadful Thursday...

Found on Funtasticus.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Shovel = good

Take notes, Jeff...

Found on The Oatmeal.

Our Safety Inspector/OSHA Rep



Found via Use My Computer on Pop Crunch.

More From The Holiday Front

Cthulu Santa, to take away the pain of sitting on creepy old strangers laps!

A field guide to Marcellus Wallace

From The Oatmeal.

Tae Kwon Pwn

If your day starts like this, press restart.

Found with other WTF on Funtasticus.

Breakfast Granola for 12/9/9

Dylan Moran of Black Books fame, with the crazy truth:

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Crunk history with FDR

Learn more about beer at The Oatmeal.

pretty but...

I resent her type, for wedging in to geek fanboys fantasies. These women can destroy good things (eg Battlebots & Carmen Elektra) Beware the poison flower

The Only NFL Review You Need for Week 13

The Niners lost and the Raiders won. Week 13 was absurd.

This week's Chicken Dinner was stolen by the officiating crews of the Niners/Seahawks and Ravens/Packers games. This week's Goat goes to the Steelers for losing to the Raiders.

Breakfast Granola for 12/8/9

For breakfast, here's Olivia Munn, wagging her tail. Yum.

The poster in the "Hey Olivia!" magazine was found on her blog.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Speaking of two men...

"Remember where you are. This is Thunderdome and death is listening. We take the first man who screams."

It's the most... gehest time...of the year

Breakfast Granola for 12/7/9

You gotta have a hearty breakfast to get through the day, least of all this one. Christina Hendricks will save us.

Found on Hollywood Tuna.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Happy Holidays