Who does this sound like?

I want some orange juice
I'll give you $2 + cost if you'll deliver me some orange juice with receipt. I'm too lazy to get it myself.

Found via Google News on UK Telegraph.

Eye-catching

Bachelorette #2 for the win, if you please.

Found with a gallery of other, crazy partygirls on Funtasticus.

Oktoberfest already?

Make 'em bring you beer, kid! That's how the game is won.

Found on Hawtness.

Jeff's best day EVAR!

Did anyone else know Richmond ran a marathon? Me neither.

Found on Funtasticus.

Classic material

I'm not a fan of gullwing and scissor doors, but Uncrate has this:

For as long as we can remember, we've wanted a vintage Mercedes Benz 300SL parked in the Uncrate garage, so when we see its iconic gullwing doors appear on a new MB model, we just have to tell you about it. Luckily, the 2010 Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG ($TBA) isn't any old Benz. Packing a front/mid-mounted 6.3-liter AMG V8 good for 563 hp, a 0-60 time of just 3.7 seconds, and a top speed of 197 mph, this new coupe is an absolute rocket, and boasts stunning, retro-styled looks that are sure to turn heads — just in time to see you fly past.

Breakfast Granola for 9/11/9

Gemma Atkinson looks like she might have the 2010 calendar to get.

Found on Hollywood Tuna.

Black & Blue

Jayden Jaymes was found along with 59 other dark-haired/blue-eyed beauties on Coed.

Landing FAIL

Wait for it: 0:22...



Few things would get your ass kicked faster, I think.

Are you ready for some football?

Even if you're not, Ally Rivera is. Tonight, it's Tennessee at Pittsburgh. Go Titans!

Skin-handling Ally was found on F-listed.

Arts & Crafts

After a little bit of Ass Wednesday (and Tuesday), here's a selfshot with nice profile for some Flank Thursday via Funtasticus.

All day sucker

Eliza Dushku is letting us know why she's really famous.

Found on Hollywood Tuna.

Breakfast Granola for 9/10/9

Wrasslers are teh lame.



Found on Failblog.

K.O.

Keep that blood in your brain, where it belongs...



Found via Olivia Munn.

Little Red Riding Hood

Found with other Hump Day Hotties on Funtasticus.

Olivia Munn knows where Jeff parks

The ever-awesome Ms. Munn appears to be getting a wee bit close to the secret entrance of The Granola Mine.

I was pulling into a parking lot and saw a designated area for FAT. Wow, that’s when you know you need to go on a diet. When you need your own parking space. he he

Breakfast Granola for 9/9/9

On this odd day of concurrence, behold both the laziness of the NY DMV and the vulgarity of New Yorkers. That white individual needs to be careful where they go with their vehicle, lest a carjacking and two-piecing commence.

In the immortal words of Redman, "Zeem zeema, who got the keys to my Beama?"

Found on Jalopnik.

Somebody's mad

Uh oh, looks like Emma Watson just got too old. Pedobear, you so crazy!

Original image found on Use My Computer; Photoshop by yours truly.

Mirror, mirror

Tooshie Tuesday will cure what ails us.

Found on Funtasticus.

Wakey wake

Feeling some post-Labor Day drag. Shay Laren will get me up.

Found on Hollywood Tuna.

Shawne Merriman's throwing his career away for THIS?

Disclaimer #1: I have a soft spot for San Diego. It's a cool town that I've only visited once but liked a lot, and they're home of the Chargers.

Disclaimer #2: There are any number of Net-famous webchicks who I thought were pretty and/or interesting before they blew up; Denise Milani, Keeley Hazell, and Lucy Pinder come easily to mind. Tila Nguyen, aka Tila Tequila was never one of them. Years back, when I was into import car scene models, I remember seeing her and wincing. Maybe it was the ridiculous boobjob or the fivehead or that she might be a tranny, I don't rightly recall, but something about her made my penis soft. Seriously, the picture I chose is pretty typical from her.

Sadly, this collision of WIN and FAIL begets EPIC FAIL:

Shawne Merriman, a star linebacker with the NFL's San Diego Chargers, was arrested on Sunday after a woman described as his girlfriend accused him of choking and restraining her, San Diego police said.

Tila Nguyen, a singer and TV personality under the name Tila Tequila, called police early on Sunday, the San Diego Sheriff's Department said in a statement. She was identified as Merriman's girlfriend in media reports.

Tequila said the incident occurred when she tried to leave his residence. She signed a citizen's arrest charging him with battery and false imprisonment, police said.

Merriman, 25, was taken into custody and later released on bail. Tequila was taken to a hospital. Her condition was not immediately available.

He's never really been a saint, and Ladainian Tomlinson -- with his strong work ethic and clean extracurricular life -- probably has me spoiled, but c'mon, Shawne, aim higher!

The least you could do is throw around a Kardashian sister; Kourtney's still on the loose, I think.

Breakfast Granola for 9/8/9

Survived Labor Day weekend with all appendages intact. To celebrate, I give you an accurate depiction of Burning Man...