Keep it clean

Enough April-foolishness! Behold Jillian Beyor and some soap.

Found on Hollywood Tuna.

Breakfast Granola for 4/1/11

This appears to be a poorly-parked Toyota Land Cruiser, which tells me three things:

1) Toyota owners are teh suck and FAIL.
2) Someone else's wife isn't getting pregnant without a doctor's help.
3) And April Fool's Day is all year for some.

Found on Failblog.

Cosplay: When it's right, it's right

Given: cosplay can be awesome when done properly.

O Raptorjeebus, I haven't even seen Valkyria Chronicles, but I know this turned out just fine.

Crystal Graziano as Selvaria Bles was found via Kotaku on Deviantart.

Breakfast Granola for 3/31/11

Jeff, THIS is why you should avoid puddles!

Found on Failblog.

The Seventeenth Decree of Simmslam

FMD Jack Naples asks:

When does childhood end?

al-Jeff bin Simmslam answers:

When the touching begins.

Timezones, how do they work?

It won't matter how they work if you get this watch. From Uncrate:

Manually setting your watch is so last millennia. The Citizen Eco-Drive Satellite Wave Watch ($TBA) searches from the closest of 24 navigation satellites to set the day, date, and time, providing you with consistently accurate time, while the Eco-Drive system uses light to keep it powered, the world time function keeps you on tabs with the time in 26 cities, and the ceramic and stainless steel case keeps you looking good.

Breakfast Granola for 3/30/11

Here's a little music to set the mood now that The Mine has its very own boss' bitch trusty to snitch on oversee us.

Read the rules

Most knifeholes loses the game. TIME TO DANCE!

Breakfast Granola for 3/29/11

If you are a smelly greasebag, have sex like you park your truck -- incorrectly -- and need medical assistance to knock up your wife, pay close attention.

I didn't select my job with making friends in mind -- I needed money, it was more than conveniently close, and I knew I could do it -- but it just so happens that I like most everyone I work with. But not you.

I like to think I gave you the benefit of the doubt -- "Maybe he's not as stupid as he looks and smells" -- but you amaze me time and again with your incompetence, arrogance, stubbornness, lack of wit, and perfect willingness to throw others under the bus at no provocation.

If you wonder why yet more conversations and activities halt around you, why more sentences seem to slow down and stilt with words even more carefully chosen for their connotation and circumspection, why eyes roll harder, snickers are longer, and why glances and shoulders turn away faster at your presence, it's because I told enough people that -- on top of being an asshole -- you're a backstabbing snitch, too.

See, it's bad enough when you turn the job from one I don't hate into one I don't like, but turn it into one I dread dragging myself to? Attitude is the least of beginnings, and grunting is the height of fruitful conversation. We never had to like each other, but I'm not the one trying to duplicate the magic that is your marriage in the workplace.

I, for my part, will continue to perform, and do my best to get along and have a little fun with everyone else. Fuck you very much if you think you're taking that away.

Meanwhile, kindly keep my name out of your mouth and don't you ever -- EVER! -- open your eyes at me.

This just in!

But then, it's never been "out," has it?

Found on Hawtness.

UPDATE (1012): Target identifiers have pinned this down to Kristina Rose. You're welcome!

Breakfast Granola for 3/28/11

From io9:

The Antikythera Mechanism is the oldest known scientific computer. Built in Greece around 100 BCE but lost for 2000 years, it was recovered from a shipwreck in 1901. However, it wasn't until a century later that its purpose was understood: it's an astronomical clock that determines the positions of celestial bodies with extraordinary precision. 

In 2010, to celebrate the launch of Digital Science, a new division of Macmillan Publishers that provides technology solutions for researchers, Nature Video and collaborators built a fully-functional replica out of Lego.

If these guys give Lego a parts list and instructions, I might just buy one of these.