Monday, July 18, 2011

Breakfast Granola for 7/18/11

Friday, June 24, 2011

Breakfast Granola for 6/24/11

And just like that, with 24 days remaining, I've been discharged ahead of schedule. While this isn't my FINAL final day, it IS the last official one in Granola Mine custody. Just like the square in Monopoly, anything else you may see is "Just Visiting."

I'd like to thank my Fellow Mining Drones for sharing this time with me. Without you, the insanity would have been of an unbearable brand; yours was much enjoyed. (To the malefactor FMDs, I wish you no harm, but neither do I wish you success or not-failing. Leave, and do try to get well.)

I'd like to thank any of the readers who may have stumbled upon this exercise in creative mental shopkeeping. It's been just for us kids in The Mine, but if you've followed along, I hope you've enjoyed the strange ride. The inside of the machine is oily, but we're all getting out, where you are, to the shiny exterior.

I'll leave the lights on and the key at my desk. I'll be outside.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Design excellence

epic fail photos - Push the Button For FAILI swear, this is something that could've been developed here in The Mine, your "SOURCE" for all things FAIL.

Found on Failblog.

Breakfast Granola for 6/23/11

Let's try a Playboy Playmate today; Jessa Hinton with 25 to go.

Found on F-listed.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Suffer the little children…

Piñata Party FAIL …one Wiffle bat blow at a time.

"Piñata Party FAIL" from Failblog.

Breakfast Granola for 6/22/11

26 to go, so here's something actually important and useful: how to save a life, starring Dr. Ken Jeong.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Blue Falcon

Shane Van Gisbergen won at Hidden Valley in the V8 Supercars Series, and drifted for a victory lap.



But what I really want to know is when the Ford Falcon returns to America because I would purchase one of those.

Found on Jalopnik.

Breakfast Granola for 6/21/11

Sammy Braddy was known to me, but until now (27 remaining), I hadn't seen a SFW picture of her. OM NOM yellow panties and long legs!

Also of interest: she's improved her chest. See that here (also SFW).

Found on F-listed.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Celebration!

No more OCD Kid? Him gone to the hills to bend for the overlords, and for what it's worth, may they have mercy on his rectum. Meanwhile, for us, there's this:

Breakfast Granola for 6/20/11

With 28 to go, we're now inside that last swirling vortex of one month. British-bred Kelly Brook will nourish us into these last days.

Found on Hollywood Tuna.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Spoonerism

"A spoonerism is an error in speech or deliberate play on words in which corresponding consonants, vowels, or morphemes are switched."

Example: Tig Ol' Bitties.

Breakfast Granola for 6/16/11

With 32 to go, we gotta brighten the day up with something. How about our beautifully wayward friend, Medianoche?

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

And now, for something that doesn't lie

Lucy Mecklenburgh, gents. Because that body is the truth!

Found via Funtasticus on GCeleb

Breakfast Granola 6/15/11

I wonder how Rob Katz would hold up to these tests.


33 remain.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Fear the Incursion

Now that it has arrived in lafayette, it's gettin' real up in here:

I never did like you

That's right, NEVER.

I shudder to visit Mr. Wu and his heathen celestials, but — by God! — I will profane your remains, and may Gabriel's trumpet summon you from a pig's asshole if I catch so much as a whiff of your cunt in this camp again, you lying cocksucker.

RUN. FOR. YOUR. FUCKING. LIFE.

Breakfast Granola for 6/14/11

34 to go, and I have to think ahead; "Maybe I'd like to draw cars for my next job?" From Uncrate:
Whether you have plans on one day becoming a car designer or would simply like to improve your car sketching skills for your own enjoyment, the I Draw Cars Sketchbook & Reference Guide ($25 and up) is here to help. Created by two designers from the Detroit area, this unique book will include tons of templates, reference information, and, yes, even blank pages, all of which are there to help you hone your automotive sketching skills to near perfection.

Monday, June 13, 2011

How do I "Airplane Mode?"

Via Gizmodo, do NOT try this at home!

Breakfast Granola for 6/13/11

With 35 to go, the balm on our soul this day is Stacey Keibler and her very long legs.

Found on Uncoached.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Yes, something new from the bandits!

Friday, June 10, 2011

Best. Carnival. EVAR?

epic fail photos - Shoe Carnival FAILMost carnivals are full of carnies, an even more undesirable offshoot of filthy hobos and vagabonds.

But this one is full of hoes. I'm not sure I see what the problem is.

Found on Failblog.

Breakfast Granola for 6/10/11

Kate Upton turns 19 today. Many happy returns!

38 to go.

Image from the Ore Archives.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Lunchtime poledance!

If you can ignore the herpderp audience noise, this is some pretty hot polework by Jenyne Butterfly; found on Funtasticus:

Worst. Festival name. EVAR!

epic fail photos - Festival Name FAILBlue balls = NOT a good thing!

Found on Failblog.

Breakfast Granola for 6/9/11

Sleep, thee, with tragic measure as you gaze upon the insane scribbling of Mike Bukowski, mind infected by the gibbering of Lord Cthulhu, dream our master darkly beneath cold and dead R'lyeh.

Remainest 39.

Found on io9.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Translation: I didn't think they were minors

Well, that makes it just fine!

Found on Failblog.

Breakfast Granola for 6/8/11

With 40 to go and this being the 40th Denise Milani post,
I can't believe this picture of her never came up before. Already have it as a desktop wallpaper, but I'm going to see about having it printed into a poster.

OM NOM NOM!

From the Ore Archives.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Inhouse email barring me from expression

to this is say:
F@$k You!

Awesome + Awesome = ????

Unearthed by FMD Jack Naples, how is it possible for so much awesome — "Old Spice Guy" Isaiah Mustafa and "Most Interesting Man in the World" Jonathan Goldsmith — to be in the same place at the same time?

Awesome, that's how!

Found on the Awesome People Hanging Out Together Tumblr.

Something gentler

For a change of pace, Sophie Turner is back again, and this time I'd like to lavish some praise on her watch. That's an impressive looking timepiece on a roundbooty dimepiece.

Found on Hollywood Tuna.

Breakfast Granola for 6/7/11

Sometimes you feel so beat down that all that's left is up, and at that point it's clawhammers, knives, sticks, fists, feet, fingernails, blood, sweat, and pain.

Delivering lots and lots of pain.

From the totally warped Korean film Old Boy:



41 to go.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Oh Japanese, you so crazy!

In video game Dream Club Zero you can dress up your nightclub hostess in CAUTION tape.

Best. Outfit. EVAR?

Found on Kotaku.

Breakfast Granola for 6/6/11

Ever hear someone say something so ridiculous that you wonder if they even comprehended what they just said? And you think they need to be reminded of how ridiculous they are?

The Ghost of Rick James compels you!

42 remain.

Friday, June 3, 2011

To your health, good sir

German researchers apparently say it's good and healthy for men to stare at breasts for at least 10 minutes a day. I definitely exceed my dosage, but argue that the female form in its entirety is fair game.

Take Aaliyah Love, for example. While of modest bosom, she has shapely bottom; also nice. And for this, I feel all the better.

Found on Hollywood Tuna.

Breakfast Granola for 6/3/11

As another week elapses and we reach 45 remaining, realize that we're slipping into darkness…

Thursday, June 2, 2011

555-PILLS

Pills: it's the solution to everything! Jeff, take notes…

Breakfast Granola for 6/2/11

With 46 remaining, some soothing Erin Lucas on this dreary and eerie Thursday.

Found on F-listed.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

STOP what you're doing!

epic fail photos - Stop Signs FAILYou'd think The Mine placed these signs.

STOP! Don't turn right! Don't turn left! And by the look of the intersection, don't go forward, either.

Just STOP.

Found on Failblog.

Breakfast Granola for 6/1/11

I hesitate to draw another parallel to The Mine and POW situations — let alone the true atrocity that was Bataan — but there's something I cannot, for the life of me, comprehend: Why am I and FMD Jack Naples involved in meetings and projects regarding the post-July 18 working conditions of the company that is terminating our employment July 18?

Because we've also been told "Work until the end," I'm feeling incredulous and resentful that we're only moving closer to our doom, helping improve something that we will not be around to see for people who will no longer need us in 47 days.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

State bird of Hawai'i?

You'd think it was the Ford Mustang convertible for all the ones I saw flying around. GT shown, but V6 rentals (no foglights, single tailpipe) were most visible.

Most common color: unsurprisingly, "Kona Blue" as shown.

Breakfast Granola for 5/31/11

Hawai'i was fine… until I had to leave it.

Would somebody like to explain what I'm still doing here? Oh, that's right; 48 to go.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Oakland, representin'

Maybe we can make this the new Frinay?

Breakfast Granola for 5/27/11

D-52.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Breakfast Granola for 5/26/11

D-53.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Breakfast Granola for 5/25/11

D-54.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Breakfast Granola for 5/24/11

D-55.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Breakfast Granola for 5/23/11

D-56.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Vacation WIN

Back in 10 days.

It's also like that...

To look the CEO of a major corporation in the eye and have him lie to me felt no different than having anyone else lie to me. However, it's not anyone else funding my paycheck and doing work that aided and abetted that lie. What it did do, though, is to cement in my mind the feeling that I was in a POW labor camp, which will be grand fodder for when I write the sitcom.

Yes, POW labor camp, I said it. Imagine: WW2 and we've been captured by the Nazis or Japs. Me and my buddies have to build widgets for massa - thereby working against our own interests - meanwhile trying to get along, find small comforts in food and trinkets, avoid the gaze of our overseers, and basically avoid going crazy or getting killed. We're a tightknit bunch in spite of a traitor in our midst, and when the suckup is outed our unity strengthens. All we have to wait for is liberation.

And here it is. Despite that we're free and can go where we please, part of the shared struggle holds us back. There were good times.

But there will also BE good times. Only now it's outside the barbed wire.

Breakfast Granola for 5/20/11

In honor of my impending vacation to Hawai'i, here's classic Hawai'ian beauty Patricia Ford, circa 1996, from the Ore Archives.

D-59.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

It's like this...

Ex-FMD Apache Chief is a witch, of course:
Did I call this shit when the sale happened? OCD and The Faggot are such assholes. They knew that shit when they sold it.

Breakfast Granola for 5/19/11

Yummy Kate Upton joins us for our downward spiral, kicking off the countdown at D-60.

Found on Drunken Stepfather (NSFW ads).

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Blowout

EVERYTHING MUST GO!

That's why I've picked some cream from the Tailings Bin and found this.

Behold, Ayisha Diaz!

And now, for more of the same…

From Hollywood Tuna, Denise Milani is a gift that can't stop giving (likely NSFW, audio not required).

Oh, I'll tell you what's up!

It's been a fun ride, but mining operations are scheduled to close July 18, 2011.

Thank you for visiting The Mine, and thank you to all ex-Fellow Mining Drones.

We are all ex-FMDs now.

We are all now free.

Breakfast Granola for 5/18/11

It's on the truck and headed in today. WHAT. UP?

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

And now, for something completely different…

…some Eurodrifters and their Hungarian strippers from Jalopnik (NSFW).

Drift Majális 2011 - Kecskemét - HUNGARY - Drifting.hu from Red Crab Films on Vimeo.

Breakfast Granola for 5/17/11

io9 is all mermaid stories today WTF? Oh, I see now. They're shilling for the new Pirates of the Caribbean. The one that's full of mermaids and FAIL!

Fucking marks.

Monday, May 16, 2011

CAUTION: Dell causes heroin addiction!

epic fail photos - Tech Support FAILWhy do I say that? 1) I have to chip away at granola in The Mine with one, and it's juuust about usable. 2) It'll get you hooked on the smack!

Needless to say, I am disappoint.

Found on Failblog.

Breakfast Granola for 5/16/11

Monday again already? Ugh. Gotta kickstart this good to get the week going. Melissa Riso can tell you more herself:
Melissa Riso is an exotic ethnic background of Guamanian and Italian. As a Northern California native, Melissa grew up with her Father and older Sister in Salinas, California and has spent several hot Summers in Guam where her mother lives.

[....]

Everyone always asks her what that huge tattoo on her tummy is all about. Well when she was a freshman in high school, she almost died in a very serious car accident on the highway. She got internal bleeding in her tummy and broke her back. So they had to cut her open to stop the bleeding inside. She had a ugly six inch scar from the surgery and tried to get plastic surgery to fix it. But the scar was too thick and not healing nice. So she designed her own tattoo to cover the ugly scar that she was insecure about all throughout high school. She would never get a tattoo that big, but there is a story behind everything…
Found on F-listed.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Pardon the delay…

…but this was to be the 2nd entry of the day, destined for 8 AM but published at 8 PM.

A new Ore is discovered: Melissa Debling, another fine and busty Brit, found on Hollywood Tuna.

Breakfast Granola for 5/13/11

Happy Friday the 13th, you superstitious numerological heathen!

I'm having some defined misgivings about Iron Sky now. It's looking like it could be Inglorious Basterds pulp, or polished B-movie. From io9:

Thursday, May 12, 2011

It's Thursday, and you know what that means...

That's right: LET YOUR SOUL GLO!

Grapple

Why, hello thar, Imogen Thomas! Let me know if you need a hand with those.

Found on Hollywood Tuna.

Breakfast Granola for 5/12/11

And this is what it'll be like: incredibly well-planned and intricate, but delicate, fragile, and ready to self-destruct when you need it most. Welcome to The Mine!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Childhood wish

epic fail photos - Kid's Meal FAILFailblog calls this "Kid's [sic] Meal FAIL" but I'd have considered it "Kids Meal WIN!"

Kids these days are WAY better off and WAY luckier than they know!

Breakfast Granola for 5/11/11

Day 3 of making imaginary friends breaks; The Mine is once again a cave of sorrow and FAIL!

Jiggly Kate Upton will save us in our time of need. Thanks Hollywood Tuna!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Trading insanity

Via Hollywood Tuna, a Denise Milani interlude (mute recommended for bad music):

Breakfast Granola for 5/10/11

Jalopnik has the accurate take on this NSFW-language Youtube clip:
Most of you are probably sane, normal people capable of reacting normally to [encountering a police shootout]. But just in case here's a lot of things [these white dudebros] did wrong:

  • Don't drive towards police officers with guns drawn
  • Don't think that by crouching down you're safe
  • Don't tell your friend to "chill"
  • Don't listen to Pearl Jam when you might die
  • When the police get in their cars, it's probably time to go
  • Once you decide to move away don't stop again
  • When the cops are hiding, you should be hiding
  • Don't videotape yourself doing any of this

And there ends today's obvious lesson.

Oh, Pearl Jam-listening white folks, you so crazy!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Mine Life: another accurate view

Breakfast Granola for 5/9/11

This Monday is a day of newfound disappointment. To harmonize with our fresh bughunt comes the news that Holy Taco is no longer doing girl galleries. What to do? Definitely less visits to HT because — seriously — what the fuck is THAT bullshit? "We're a comedy site, so we're going to focus on that!" Pfft, fine. Never did like your ass any-godamn-way.

Meanwhile, digging never stops in The Mine; keep looking for ore where it exists. Thus, here's more Sophie Turner, courtesy of Hollywood Tuna.

Friday, May 6, 2011

So, about today...

"Is this going to be a stand-up fight, sir, or another bug hunt?"