So, about today...

"Is this going to be a stand-up fight, sir, or another bug hunt?"

May: it's quite the month

I share my birthday — May 2 — with Baron Manfred von Richtofen, "The Rock" Dwayne Johnson, and Jenna von Öy (pictured); May is an awesome month that begat awesome people.

Here are a few more, courtesy of Brobible:

• Christa Rigozzi: May 2
• Josie Maran: May 8
• Audrina Patridge: May 9
• Rosario Dawson: May 9
• Holly Valance: May 11
• Laetitia Casta: May 11
• Sunny Leone: May 13
• Jamie Lynn Sigler: May 15
• Megan Fox: May 16
• Luisana Lopilato: May 18
• Eve Angel: May 19
• Katie Price: May 22
• Kelly Monaco: May 23
• Jewel Kilcher: May 23
• Kylie Minogue: May 27
• Ana Beatriz-Barros: May 29

Breakfast Granola for 5/6/11

Parkour isn't for everyone, but blood in the stool seems suited to this guy:

Cinco de Mayo

Don't think I forgot what today is. Just looking for a good picture in the Ore Archives.

This is the rarely-seen Maribel Guardia. She's Costa Rican and lives in Miami, but she used to work in Mexico. That's all the excuse I need.

Breakfast Granola for 5/5/11

Via F-listed, today's breakfast is scrambled American-cricket fan ala Terrible Terry Tate. Wait for it: 0:06...

Change of address?

The final missive of Hawtness:

Hey dudes and dudettes, it’s time things come to a close at ol’ Hawtness.com. But, have no fear ALL IS NOT LOST! You’ll find all the old content, and new updated content at Tease.TheDailyWh.at. Brian, the captain of the good ship tease, will be keeping you guys in stitches and boobies. What more could you ask for? And (and it’s a big and) you won’t be subjected to my dumb rantings anymore! WOO!
Alright everyone, I’ll keep this short. Peace out!

-Joe Hawtness

One final goodbye, thank you again for all your kind words and comments, not to mention the unkind words and irreverent videos and links! I’ll still be puttering around the internet and you’ll see me yelling about something from time to time. Also, anyone who wants can follow me on twitter. I’m sure I’ll be finding terrible things to share with the world and linking them there. Thanks everyone, it was a long, weird trip.

Momentum: it counts for plenty

Breakfast Granola for 5/4/11

Another Birthweek miracle! FACT: Kate Upton is naked under that bodypaint.

Found on Holy Taco.

Sophie Turner turned 27 on the 30th?

Hmmph. Apparently, her birthday preceded mine and I was unaware. Still, that makes us both born under Taurus, and we shall unite in that.

And cake, of which she obviously has plenty.

Found on Brobible.

Breakfast Granola for 5/3/11

I declare Birthweek, and this is another gift to myself! Behold, the lovely and curvaceous London Andrews.

Found on her blog (NSFW).

And now, for something completely different…

This is the only way soccer could be palatable. From Hawtness:

Breakfast Granola for 5/2/11

First, happy birthday to me!

Second, this is the last we'll hear from Osama bin Laden:

Osama bin Laden, the face of global terrorism and architect of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, was killed in a firefight with elite American forces Monday, then quickly buried at sea in a stunning finale to a furtive decade on the run.

Long believed to be hiding in caves, bin Laden was tracked down in a costly, custom-built hideout not far from a Pakistani military academy.

[....]

The military operation took mere minutes, and there were no U.S. casualties.

U.S. helicopters ferried troops from Navy SEAL Team Six, a top military counter-terrorism unit, into the compound identified by the CIA as bin Laden's hideout — and back out again in less than 40 minutes. Bin Laden was shot in the head, officials said, after he and his bodyguards resisted the assault.

Three adult males were also killed in the raid, including one of bin Laden's sons, whom officials did not name. One of bin Laden's sons, Hamza, is a senior member of al-Qaida. U.S. officials also said one woman was killed when she was used as a shield by a male combatant, and two other women were injured.

Third, "a costly, custom-built hideout not far from a Pakistani military academy"? Really, Pakistan? I believe you have some explaining to do.

And fourth, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!