Breakfast Granola for 5/12/11

And this is what it'll be like: incredibly well-planned and intricate, but delicate, fragile, and ready to self-destruct when you need it most. Welcome to The Mine!

Childhood wish

Failblog calls this "Kid's [sic] Meal FAIL" but I'd have considered it "Kids Meal WIN!"

Kids these days are WAY better off and WAY luckier than they know!

Breakfast Granola for 5/11/11

Day 3 of making imaginary friends breaks; The Mine is once again a cave of sorrow and FAIL!

Jiggly Kate Upton will save us in our time of need. Thanks Hollywood Tuna!

Trading insanity

Via Hollywood Tuna, a Denise Milani interlude (mute recommended for bad music):

Breakfast Granola for 5/10/11

Jalopnik has the accurate take on this NSFW-language Youtube clip:

Most of you are probably sane, normal people capable of reacting normally to [encountering a police shootout]. But just in case here's a lot of things [these white dudebros] did wrong:

• Don't drive towards police officers with guns drawn
• Don't think that by crouching down you're safe
• Don't tell your friend to "chill"
• Don't listen to Pearl Jam when you might die
• When the police get in their cars, it's probably time to go
• Once you decide to move away don't stop again
• When the cops are hiding, you should be hiding
• Don't videotape yourself doing any of this

And there ends today's obvious lesson.

Oh, Pearl Jam-listening white folks, you so crazy!

Mine Life: another accurate view

Breakfast Granola for 5/9/11

This Monday is a day of newfound disappointment. To harmonize with our fresh bughunt comes the news that Holy Taco is no longer doing girl galleries. What to do? Definitely less visits to HT because — seriously — what the fuck is THAT bullshit? "We're a comedy site, so we're going to focus on that!" Pfft, fine. Never did like your ass any-godamn-way.

Meanwhile, digging never stops in The Mine; keep looking for ore where it exists. Thus, here's more Sophie Turner, courtesy of Hollywood Tuna.

So, about today...

"Is this going to be a stand-up fight, sir, or another bug hunt?"

May: it's quite the month

I share my birthday — May 2 — with Baron Manfred von Richtofen, "The Rock" Dwayne Johnson, and Jenna von Öy (pictured); May is an awesome month that begat awesome people.

Here are a few more, courtesy of Brobible:

• Christa Rigozzi: May 2
• Josie Maran: May 8
• Audrina Patridge: May 9
• Rosario Dawson: May 9
• Holly Valance: May 11
• Laetitia Casta: May 11
• Sunny Leone: May 13
• Jamie Lynn Sigler: May 15
• Megan Fox: May 16
• Luisana Lopilato: May 18
• Eve Angel: May 19
• Katie Price: May 22
• Kelly Monaco: May 23
• Jewel Kilcher: May 23
• Kylie Minogue: May 27
• Ana Beatriz-Barros: May 29

Breakfast Granola for 5/6/11

Parkour isn't for everyone, but blood in the stool seems suited to this guy:

Cinco de Mayo

Don't think I forgot what today is. Just looking for a good picture in the Ore Archives.

This is the rarely-seen Maribel Guardia. She's Costa Rican and lives in Miami, but she used to work in Mexico. That's all the excuse I need.

Breakfast Granola for 5/5/11

Via F-listed, today's breakfast is scrambled American-cricket fan ala Terrible Terry Tate. Wait for it: 0:06...

Change of address?

The final missive of Hawtness:

Hey dudes and dudettes, it’s time things come to a close at ol’ Hawtness.com. But, have no fear ALL IS NOT LOST! You’ll find all the old content, and new updated content at Tease.TheDailyWh.at. Brian, the captain of the good ship tease, will be keeping you guys in stitches and boobies. What more could you ask for? And (and it’s a big and) you won’t be subjected to my dumb rantings anymore! WOO!
Alright everyone, I’ll keep this short. Peace out!

-Joe Hawtness

One final goodbye, thank you again for all your kind words and comments, not to mention the unkind words and irreverent videos and links! I’ll still be puttering around the internet and you’ll see me yelling about something from time to time. Also, anyone who wants can follow me on twitter. I’m sure I’ll be finding terrible things to share with the world and linking them there. Thanks everyone, it was a long, weird trip.

Momentum: it counts for plenty

Breakfast Granola for 5/4/11

Another Birthweek miracle! FACT: Kate Upton is naked under that bodypaint.

Found on Holy Taco.

Sophie Turner turned 27 on the 30th?

Hmmph. Apparently, her birthday preceded mine and I was unaware. Still, that makes us both born under Taurus, and we shall unite in that.

And cake, of which she obviously has plenty.

Found on Brobible.

Breakfast Granola for 5/3/11

I declare Birthweek, and this is another gift to myself! Behold, the lovely and curvaceous London Andrews.

Found on her blog (NSFW).