Speaking of thirsty...

You can't drink without a cup. Better yet, get two.

The superlative Denise Milani was found on F-listed.

Our Director of Mining Operations

Stay thirsty, my friend.

Sending only the very best

Bill Gates, stop with the Windows. Steve Jobs, put that liver down. Sir Richard Branson, nobody wants to go to space.

WE WANT TO BITCHSLAP BY REMOTE! The day that these can be attached to e-mail will be a beautiful day indeed.

Smell like a drunk

Whiskey-scented aftershave? GIMME!

Found via Uncrate on Portland General Store.

On a day like this...

see more Lol Celebs

Breakfast Granola for 6/24/9

Today's tract from (the Black Books version of) The Little Book Of Calm: Ever notice anyone not calm in the tropics? Of course you don't. Michelle Marsh might be there. And how up tight could you possibly be with Michelle Marsh coming to visit?

This calendar page of Michelle Marsh's was found on Hollywood Tuna.

Uptempo

Dominican Sally Ferreira will -- hopefully -- fix everything.

Found on F-listed.

John Mayer's stock price just jumped

A "very special episode of Blossom" of Twittering happened between John Mayer and Perez Hilton...

Perez: That's real funny! Ha ha! And I'm sure you also think I "deserved" to get hit!

Mayer: I also want to train you in an old martial art called "Never Call A Black Dude a F**got Jitsu."

HEY! Anybody catch the moral of that fist!?

Stumbled upon via intergooglenews on TMZ.

Estote parati

Today's trivia: that's Latin for "be prepared." I might just get a couple of these...

Be prepared no matter what the circumstances with the Lifeline Ultralight Survival Kit ($15). Weighing in at only 7.5 oz. and only taking up as much space as a stack of postcards, this handy all-in one kit includes waterproof matches, an 80" x 50" emergency blanket, 50 ft. of fishing line with four hooks and sinker weights, a surgical blade, five wound closure strips, a map compass, emergency whistle, three feet of duct tape, and more, all in an included waterproof carrying case.

Seen on Uncrate.

Speaking of Fergie...

Once upon a time, Stacy Ferguson was in a group called Wild Orchid; I think I liked Renee Sandstrom more, but I digress...

All three of WO were hot...but then meth, time, and crazy living got hold of Fergie, and her looks can come and go based on when you happen to catch her. Thankfully, Maxim -- I do believe that's the original source of this image -- believes in the power of Photoshop airbrushing.

Breakfast Granola for 6/23/9

Here we have Black Eyed Peas bandmates Fergie and will.i.am to illustrate the further saga of BEP vs. gossipmonger/whoreblogger Perez Hilton. The latest punchline: GLAAD is riding the gay fat guy for an apology.

Rashad Robinson, GLAAD's senior director of media programs, said [referencing Hilton calling will.i.am a "faggot"]: "These are vulgar anti-gay slurs that feed a climate of hatred and intolerance toward our community. For someone in our own community to use it to attack another person by saying that it is, quote, ‘The worst possible thing that thug would ever want to hear,’ is incredibly dangerous. It legitimizes use of a slur that is often linked to violence against our community. And it sends a message that it is OK to attempt to dehumanize people by exploiting anti-gay attitudes.”

Makes me wonder what the fallout would've been from gay fat guy calling allegedly-gay black guy a "nigger" instead...

Found via Drudge Report on LA Times.

Rinse well

So, to apologize for all of the preceding atrocities, I offer this to rinse out your eyes.

From Olivia Munn's blog.

Horse fails at technology! Film at noon!

Sarah Jessica Parker was given a warning for driving-without-headlights after explaining she didn't know how to turn them on in her new Mercedes. Add this to the list of things Parker no longer knows how to turn on.

Q: Was that a crack on Sarah Jessica Horseface being horsefaced and the Anti-Viagra, on infidelity in her marriage with Matthew Broderick, or that she's still horsefaced and the only men who really like her are the ones interested in amazing/fabulous/fantastic shoes?

A: Yup.

This dire news was located on Jalopnik.

P.S.: You just knew it esisted: SarahJessicaParkerLooksLikeAHorse.com.

They call her Pampita

But her name is Carolina Ardohain, and she's from Argentina.

Found via F-listed on Next Round.

Flexibility is key to existence

The image is untitled, but I happen to know that it's Priya Rai.

Found on Coed.

Attention Whore whores for attention

I wouldn't subject anyone to this so early in the morning, but this was so funny I couldn't resist.

Noted scourge of American popular musical expression will.i.am allegedly honed his pimp hand on blogger Perez Hilton’s face last night after the Toronto MuchMusic Video Awards. Naturally, Perez twittered the whole beat-down.

I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke.

Still waiting for the police. The bleeding has stopped. I need to document this. Please, can the police come to the SoHo Met Hotel.

And will.i.am's response?

“I was the one that came to [Perez] with respect. He was the one that called me a f@ggot… Sounds like somebody wants mad attention is not really concerned about his health… They’re lies, and that’s wrong.”

Sounds like being a Miss USA judge and asking a silly girl a silly question and not liking the silly answer doesn't pay off like it used to.

Poor gay fat guy.

Found (with image, sorry) on F-listed.

Breakfast Granola for 6/22/9

Jenny McCarthy: pretty, displayed her goodies in Playboy in October of 1993, was Playmate of the Year 1994, and let Jim Carrey stab her with his dick. So...

Q: Besides giving birth to an autistic child, is this why she's taken seriously regarding vaccination?

Anyway, here's as good a response as any, starring Leeann Tweeden, who -- in my opinion -- is lovelier than JM.