The FAILest of parking

I'm no Jackie Chan of parking, but with room for about two cars, this should be a piece of cake. Nope, FAIL!

I got 99 problems...

...but 20 bitches ain't one.

Found on Hawtness.

Truth be told

Let it be known that while I agree with the intent of Arizona's immigration enforcement law, I disagree with its scope and application. On a related note, I have absolutely zero love for Gavin Newsom and was irked when he spoke out against the AZ law as "unacceptable." Leave it to Fox News' Greg Gutfield to say what I'm thinking:

Mayor Gavin Newsom just announced a ban on official city travel to Arizona, because he claims the state's new immigration law is "unacceptable."

Which leads me to explore what Newsom finds acceptable:

Exhibit A: Turning the world's most beautiful city, San Francisco, into a sprawling toilet with a half-billion dollar deficit.

Being S.F.'s mayor should be a dream job. It's like being King of Gumdrop Village on Rainbow Island. It's packed with great food, tourists, amazing scenery and fun people. But Gavin has left the city oilier than his own pompadour. If one block doesn't smell of excrement, it's because it smells of feces and vice versa. Gavin has taken a jewel of a city and pooped all over it.

Which leads me to:

Exhibit B: Letting panhandlers rule. I'm from the Bay Area, and spent a lot of time wandering S.F.'s streets, either working or drunk. Now, no way.

The last time I was there, my 85-year-old mom was surrounded by the most aggressive panhandlers I've ever seen — walking over others, apparently napping. Instead of worrying about the potential ramifications of a law in another state, Gavin should address the heaps of humanity that litter his own streets.

Exhibit C: Banging your pal's wife. It's true, Newson slept with the wife of his close friend and campaign manager, who then resigned. Maybe there aren't enough women in S.F., but you're the mayor and you've got hair. Either you're too lazy or you lack character — probably both.

Bottom line, Gavin: Before you crap all over Arizona, clean up the crap in your own yard.

Allow me to add Exhibit D: his inability to please Kimberly Guilfoyle. Seriously, how do you say no to the world's second hottest lawyer after Rebecca Witchard?

Giving new meaning to "sleepin' on them cheeks"

Khloe Kardashian passes out on plush posterior.

Instead of trying to sell swimwear like they are here, they need to sell replica pillows in the form factor of Kim's booty. They'd make a killing.

Found on F-listed.

Surf report

This just in: Jenna Bentley. Never heard of her, but she's apparently something to do with Playboy.

Somebody Google that for me. Don't question.

Found on Hollywood Tuna.

Breakfast Granola for 4/29/10

Here's an interesting gadget from Uncrate:

It's about time someone designed a true multi-tool that didn't look like a Swiss Army knife. The Byrd Harp Multi Tool ($35) instead borrows its design from the stringed musical instrument, with functional slotted- and Phillips-head screwdrivers, a punch/awl, a gimlet, a mini-saw, a corkscrew, a file, and a small/large head hammer that doubles as a bottle opener, all of which rotate out individually from an outer ring and fold flat for insertion into an included leather carrying case. Because you never know when you'll need to do some carpentry while sipping on some Opus One.

To the patriots in Arizona keeping it white, er... real.

Speaking of ass...

...Jessikah Maximus, for cheap WIN.

Found on Hip Hop Wired.

Breakfast Granola for 4/28/10

Breasts are beautiful, but not the only beauty of note. For the record, ass is also-win.

Image found on a deliberate hunt of the intergoogles.

The Eighth Decree of Simmslam

That which is mine is mine. That which is yours is yours AND mine.

This includes women. Do not question.

In related news...

...Iranian clerics aren't the smartest.

[Prominent Iranian cleric Kazem Sedighi] was quoted in the Chicago Tribune saying, “Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes.”

*I* want to be that James Bond supervillain who harnesses sufficient mammary energy to cause the dreaded "Boobquake."

Found via the googlenews on Mashable.

A Paean to Breasts

A paean is a term used to describe a type of grateful song or tribute. What am I grateful for/want to pay tribute to? You may have detected a favored ore or two...

Bigger is not always necessarily better
But it's good to have plenty to fill out a sweater
There is a limit, such a thing as too large
They're definitely too much when they fill up a barge
How much is too much is up for debate
Decolletage has demands, a cleavage mandate
At no times, please, should this subject be criminal
The effect of the boobage is more than subliminal
Hypnosis is a risk I'm willing to take
Whether they're firm or swingy or real or fake
From proud like eagles to shy like doves
Appreciate with your eyes and maybe two baseball gloves
Business really picks up when temperatures get cold
Do I really need to say it, or do you need to be told?
Because hard nipples, plus big titties, cannot be denied
Take a taste test, you won't know 'til you've tried
So, let's hear it, three cheers to the female breast!
Full of awesome and win, they're simply the best!

Image from DJ Mick.

Breakfast Granola for 4/27/10

Beware, al-Jeff. Here's someone who loves Kobe more than you...

Also mostly harmless

Not that I think Jordan Carver is completely harmless, mind you. I mean, look at what she's doing to that underwear.

Found on Holy Taco

Mostly harmless

Smokey the Smoke Monster looks way less intimidating in cartoon form. Michael Blaine Myers, Jr. speculates on the Saturday morning/afterschool afternoon incarnations of the LOST cast.

Found on io9.

Mixed Artists create tarot deck

Breakfast Granola for 4/26/10

Olivia Munn. In a bikini. On a beach. In Hawaii.

O summer, where art thou?

Found on DJ Mick.