This Labor Day weekend, we leave you in Motown...

The lovely Jessica Harvey -- disproving that the apocalypse is fully upon us -- does, in fact, hail from Detroit. Strife and chaos, anyone?

Found on F-listed.

Drinking knowledge

I want to channel my inner W.C. Fields and get one of these.

Got something to hide? Grab yourself a Hollow Book Safe ($20-$34). Available with cutouts for money, flasks, a pistol, or even optical media, each book is hand-carved out of a different innocuous tome — so no matter whether you're hiding cash, drugs, or discs of information on the Matrix, you can rest easy that your stash is safe inside.

Found on Uncrate.

Breakfast Granola for 9/4/9

Pedobear at Walmart = excellent customer service.

Original found among Holy Taco's 25 Sexiest People Of Walmart; Photoshop by yours truly.

Down at Valero...

This isn't an image of the actual car, but it's the same model; the De Tomaso Pantera.

The first 1971 Panteras were powered by a Ford 351 in³ (5.8 L) V8 which produced 330 hp (246 kW). The ZF transaxle used in the Mangusta was also used for the Pantera. Another Italian exotic that shares the ZF transaxle is the Maserati Bora. Power-assisted four-wheel disc brakes and rack and pinion steering were standard equipment. The 1971 Pantera could accelerate to 60 mph (97 km/h) in 5.5 seconds according to Car and Driver.

News from the zombie apocalypse

Be aware and informed, and whatever you do, watch out for zombies. Why? Because there was some cannibalism at a healthcare rally:

THOUSAND OAKS -- A 65-year-old man had his finger bitten off Wednesday evening at a health care rally in Thousand Oaks, according to the Ventura County Sheriff's Department.

[....]

A witness from the scene says a man was walking through the anti-reform group to get to the pro-reform side when he got into an altercation with the 65-year-old, who opposes health care reform.

The 65-year-old was apparently aggressive and hit the other man, who then retaliated by biting off his attacker's pinky, according to Karoli from DrumsnWhistles, who attended the rally.

And who were some of the organized participants?

About 100 protesters sponsored by MoveOn.org were having a rally supporting health care reform.

I always thought George Soros sounded like a James Bond villain, but a genuine mob of hired zombies? That's truly beyond the pale.

Found via Little Green Footballs on KTLA.

Hooters is awesome because...

...of their batter-fried fish sandwiches. And this.

Found via Hollywood Tuna on Heyman Hustle.

You can't make this up

Inspired by Snoop himself via Media Take Out.

Suburban Detroit FAIL

Never to say that inhaling toxic substances to get high could ever be WIN, but these criminal masterminds from Fraser, MI are definitely some sorry FAIL:

Two rocket-scientist teenagers from the Metro Detroit suburb of Fraser got high by huffing then decided to steal a riding lawnmower before dawn and drive to the store for more cans. Too bad they crashed into a police cruiser.

Found via Jalopnik on Click On Detroit; WDIV 4 TV video available on both.

Breakfast Granola for 9/3/9

Belated condolences to Frank Frazetta are in order: his wife Ellie passed away July 17.

While I didn't know that, what I do know is that she was his muse and model for (ostensibly) every woman who appeared in his artwork. Man, she must have really been something.

Today's trivia is that the Frazettas have (had?) a museum on their estate that is (was?) open to the public; while its site is now closed, this Yelp page has some information and reviews.

And a big shoutout to Jalopnik...

...for making this post about a completely unnecessary Megan Fox gallery possible.

Found on Jalopnik here.

Umbrella-ella-ella

The lovely Tracy Nova was found on F-listed.

Tuck those tits in, sweetie!

I had a bad feeling about the Bengals' Andre Smith as soon as I saw him wobbling through the 40 at the combine. This screencap of it does his wavemotion no justice whatsoever. The only thing that would've improved it would be EU performing "Da Butt" alongside the cones. It's not like he wouldn't have given them time to do the whole thing AND an encore.

And so, within 48 hours of ending his monthlong holdout for more dough -- y'know, because he's so awesome -- he...

...injured himself today in, wait for it… a non-contact drill. A fractured foot is the diagnosis.

[....]

The Bengals have already attempted to put a positive spin on the news. He’ll be out “a few weeks” by Marvin Lewis’ press statement. It’s a mild injury they say and it doesn’t require surgery. He’ll get an opportunity to observe, catch up on the playbook, and watch tape. The team will be able to use the full two-week roster exemption afforded them to develop other players. Anthony Collins was already entrenched as the starter anyway.

That thud you just heard is probably Carson Palmer, practicing getting sacked some more.

Found via SI.com on Gridiron Gab.

Could've used this law Monday

Honolulu: it's my kinda town!

HONOLULU — Stinky city bus riders soon could get soaked.

The Honolulu City Council is considering a bill that would impose up to a $500 fine and/or up to six months in jail for public transit passengers convicted of being too smelly.

The bill will be heard Thursday in committee. It would make it illegal to have "odors that unreasonably disturb others or interfere with their use of the transit system."

It doesn't matter if it's body odor or offensive fumes that emanates from clothes, personal belongings or animals.

Councilmen Rod Tam and Nestor Garcia co-sponsored the anti-odor bill.

The American Civil Liberties Union of Hawaii says it is concerned with laws that are inherently vague, which opens the door to discriminatory enforcement based on an officer's individual prejudices.

To the ACLU: I'll tell you what was vague. My vision, after many blurry and nauseated hours amid smelly potential jurors. At the very least, there needs to be segregation with all of the funky people together in an airtight container.

Found on The CoCo Times.

Breakfast Granola for 9/2/9

Today's tract from (the Black Books version of) The Little Book Of Calm: The Romanians are our friends. They gave rise to interesting stories that still outshine modern pop culture, made gymnastics interesting for heterosexual males, and Simona Mihiela was born in Bucharest. Be sure to thank them sometime. You are a Romaniaphile of calm.

Found on Coed.

Off the menu, from Chi-town

Anyone here ever heard of Alix Freihage? Me neither. Sounds like Illinois has been holding back one blue-eyed redhead from us...

But after spotting her on F-listed, a quick search of the intergoogles produced her Model Mayhem page.

Sadly, this image isn't among the F-listed gallery. Shame.

When the sun goes down...

...here comes the moon.

Found on Holy Taco.

Urban Legendary

Before the purpose of this post, I'm glad to see that Wilmer Valderrama likes burgers a whole lot and is helping keep people gainfully employed. See, the economy isn't so bad, right?

And now for the news: There ARE such things as secret fast food menus, and not just at In-N-Out. While it's good to know you can get a 4x4 and an orange soda/vanilla shake there, you may also be pleased to learn that the same is possible at Wendy's, for example, by asking for the same 50/50 drink, but also a Grand Slam burger (aka: Meat Cube).

By the way, it's also supposed to be possible to get Subway's old pizza sub, just because they should still have all the requisite ingredients (pepperoni, cheese, and marinara sauce), just that you have to ask for them assembled. Sounds like time for Jeff to do the job.

Found via Lifehacker on Mental Floss.

Haunted

Seriosuly, jury duty was so ugly that I NEED this for therapy.

The horror! The horror!

Found while wandering Holy Taco.

Breakfast Granola for 9/1/9

Back to The Mine! Believe it or not, I'd much rather be here than jury duty. Why? All of the ugly people (plus the stink, the boredom, the shitty lunch options, and the whole damn fool process).

To counteract all that ugly, let's have some pretty.

Elisandra Tomacheski was found on today's Use My Computer.

What I really want for lunch is...

...not more jury duty, that's for sure.

A big bundle of redheads was found on Coed.

They need one of these for adults

Seriously, I'm surrounded by ugly people. My jury pool is ugly, the judge is ugly, the district attorney is ugly, the public defender is ugly, and her client is ugly. Stupid TV, giving the impression that officers of the court have even a modicum of decent looks.

P.S.: My hopes of getting out of here by lunch? Gone. It's lunchbreak time now, and we've been ordered to return at 1 PM. Whoever lied and said justice is swift needs to be two-pieced. Fuckin' dump.

Image found on Holy Taco.

More of what we're looking for

Laura Doré is for the kids, and I love the kids.

P.S.: Selected for a jury pool. I'll be back...whenever...

Found on Indo's Place.

Something new has been added

Thanks to Stealth-fu, I was able to have a look at Media Take Out, which led me to a Google image search, where I found this page with Jayonna Fabro.

I like big butts and I cannot lie.

Stealth-fu

FMD Crankmonkey just slipped me a note under the wire:

A super easy way to get around a firewall is just to use google translate. You can't use english to english any more...however it still works if you select another language like dutch to english...try: http://www.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=nl&tl=en&u=http%3A%2F%2Fmediatakeout.com%2Findex.html

Crankmonkey, you're my hero!

A cushion for my descent into madness

Since I can't have booze, I'll have to try boobs. Denise Milani will save me!

Thanks to Hollywood Tuna for flying under wi-fi radar in my time of need!

Breakfast Granola for 8/31/9

Here I am at jury duty -- which is still work, hence the entry -- and Youtube is among the sites that are blocked from their wi-fi; guess I won't be looking at any pr0ns while I'm here. But thanks to someone who shared this with me, I can kindasorta share it with you. It's the best advice ever, and I do wish I had some booze RIGHT NOW!