We leave you this week with...

...the alternatively-named Xiannie, which I will venture to guess is pronounced "Shawnie." Me likey.

Found on Hip Hop Wired.

A fatwa upon Christine O'Donnell!

The Prophet al-Jeff is displeased with the views of Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell:

Opposition to the masturbations is Simmslamophobia! Infidel wench, I rebuke you in the holy name of Simmslam! Wear you a zombie mask and the mockery of goats for one thousand years!

P.S.: Go away. Nobody likes you.

P.P.S.: Don't judge me!

Car wash FAIL

Automated car washes are bad enough on their own. They cause swirl marks in your finish, can damage trim parts, and snap antennas. And for the truly dumb, hyperextend your door hinges. Wait for it: 1:02...



Found on Jalopnik.

Breakfast Granola for 9/17/10

Dear Gran Turismo 5: Never before have I wanted you so much...



Found on Jalopnik.

We leave you this Thursday...

...out back with Coco Austin (left) and her sister.

Found on Coco's twitter.

RIP Molly Norris

Cartoonist Molly Norris is no more, but today we are all Molly Norris. If your religion can't hold up to some drawings, I'm sorry to say that you won't be able to stop all of us.

Breakfast Granola for 9/16/10

Found on io9.

More bubbles!

Emma Lundberg

Today's Humpday advisory

100% chance of hot chick selfshotting herself in striped boyshorts. Who'da thunk, right?

Found on Funtasticus.

Breakfast Granola for 9/15/10

Ken Block is back...



Found on Jalopnik.

Creamsicle

Here we have Ines Sainz wearing tangerine and white, from GHI Ore Archives, and it seems to be an average representation of what she wears while working.

Given: there should be a fairly simple distinction about where sexual harassment happens along the scale of, let's say, complimenting her on her looks and throwing footballs at her in the hopes that she'll catch one between her thighs. However, showing up at the average NFL practice -- let alone the NY Jets and their institutionalized bitchassness -- in infection-inducing pants is the diamond lane of Attention Whore Expressway.

Sorry, ladies. Please contact your union representative if you wish to complain.

The Only NFL Review You Need for Week 1

The Niners lost just like the Raiders lost. Week 1 was frustrating, albeit balanced.

Chicken Dinner goes to the Saints -- all of them -- just for beating Brett Far-vruh and the Vikings. This week's Goat easily goes to Alex "Hooker" Barron for his obvious hold on Brian Orakpo that negated a game-winning TD.

Breakfast Granola for 9/14/10

I can only hope that the theatrical version of The Hobbit is half as good; found on io9.

The most important thing you'll see today...

In the future, everything is Wilde

Or parts of Tron Legacy will have Olivia Wilde in them, at any rate.

Found on io9.

Jeff got a van?

Found on Jalopnik with the next moral panic.

Breakfast Granola for 9/13/10

We previously saw Tori Black from a completely different angle earlier in the summer. And now she's back to get us through mid-September, courtesy of Hollywood Tuna.