Breakfast Granola for 4/29/10

Here's an interesting gadget from Uncrate:

It's about time someone designed a true multi-tool that didn't look like a Swiss Army knife. The Byrd Harp Multi Tool ($35) instead borrows its design from the stringed musical instrument, with functional slotted- and Phillips-head screwdrivers, a punch/awl, a gimlet, a mini-saw, a corkscrew, a file, and a small/large head hammer that doubles as a bottle opener, all of which rotate out individually from an outer ring and fold flat for insertion into an included leather carrying case. Because you never know when you'll need to do some carpentry while sipping on some Opus One.

To the patriots in Arizona keeping it white, er... real.

Speaking of ass...

...Jessikah Maximus, for cheap WIN.

Found on Hip Hop Wired.

Breakfast Granola for 4/28/10

Breasts are beautiful, but not the only beauty of note. For the record, ass is also-win.

Image found on a deliberate hunt of the intergoogles.

The Eighth Decree of Simmslam

That which is mine is mine. That which is yours is yours AND mine.

This includes women. Do not question.

In related news...

...Iranian clerics aren't the smartest.

[Prominent Iranian cleric Kazem Sedighi] was quoted in the Chicago Tribune saying, “Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes.”

*I* want to be that James Bond supervillain who harnesses sufficient mammary energy to cause the dreaded "Boobquake."

Found via the googlenews on Mashable.

A Paean to Breasts

A paean is a term used to describe a type of grateful song or tribute. What am I grateful for/want to pay tribute to? You may have detected a favored ore or two...

Bigger is not always necessarily better
But it's good to have plenty to fill out a sweater
There is a limit, such a thing as too large
They're definitely too much when they fill up a barge
How much is too much is up for debate
Decolletage has demands, a cleavage mandate
At no times, please, should this subject be criminal
The effect of the boobage is more than subliminal
Hypnosis is a risk I'm willing to take
Whether they're firm or swingy or real or fake
From proud like eagles to shy like doves
Appreciate with your eyes and maybe two baseball gloves
Business really picks up when temperatures get cold
Do I really need to say it, or do you need to be told?
Because hard nipples, plus big titties, cannot be denied
Take a taste test, you won't know 'til you've tried
So, let's hear it, three cheers to the female breast!
Full of awesome and win, they're simply the best!

Image from DJ Mick.

Breakfast Granola for 4/27/10

Beware, al-Jeff. Here's someone who loves Kobe more than you...

Also mostly harmless

Not that I think Jordan Carver is completely harmless, mind you. I mean, look at what she's doing to that underwear.

Found on Holy Taco

Mostly harmless

Smokey the Smoke Monster looks way less intimidating in cartoon form. Michael Blaine Myers, Jr. speculates on the Saturday morning/afterschool afternoon incarnations of the LOST cast.

Found on io9.

Mixed Artists create tarot deck

Breakfast Granola for 4/26/10

Olivia Munn. In a bikini. On a beach. In Hawaii.

O summer, where art thou?

Found on DJ Mick.

High contrast

I'm not used to seeing Olivia Munn with lots of dark eye makeup and so starkly lit. It gives her rather a Morticia Addams sort of look.

From a Details interview found on her blog.

Breakfast Granola for 4/23/10

It comes as a considerable shock to learn that Hanzo Hattori's true identity is Colin Mochrie. And that there's so much yelling in the Naruto theme song "Haruka Kanata." Happy Friday, all you skanks and scalawags!

Toyz that fail

Found with 14 other unintentionally perverted toys on Cracked.

ONOZ infidels are laughing at Muhammad!

I'll give some fatback and corn liquor to anyone who can explain to me why Islam seems to be a religion of perpetual anger. From Fox News:

A radical Islamic website warned the creators of "South Park" that they could face violent retribution for depicting the Prophet Muhammad in a bear suit.

[....]

RevolutionMuslim.com posted the warning following the 200th episode of Trey Parker and Matt Stone's "South Park," which included a caricature of the Prophet Muhammad disguised in a bear suit. The web posting also included a graphic photo of Theo van Gogh, a Dutch filmmaker who was murdered in 2004 after making a documentary on violence against Muslim women.

"We have to warn Matt and Trey that what they are doing is stupid and they will probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh for airing this show," the posting reads. "This is not a threat, but a warning of the reality of what will likely happen to them."

Sounds like the poster is saying "This isn't a threat, but an outraged Muslim will probably stab you to death in the manner of Theo van Gogh." Why, that's just neighborly of y'all!

Pfft. Send me one of those jihadis and I'll send it back perforated. Μολὼν λαβέ, bitches!

Breakfast Granola for 4/22/10

"Soldiers vs. Cthulhu?" Tell me more:

[30 Days of Night artist Ben Templesmith says] "So far, all I can say is sort of Band of Brothers...but with SQUID. (Well, Cthulhu-ish ideas and my love of all things tentacular.) Yes, it's a war comic. Want to get all emotional and down and dirty with it. Not exactly comedy in the vein of Wormwood.... It's post-apocalyptic. I deals with a small group of soldiers, as the human race is reduced to relatively low tech solutions to claw back their planet, the new religion that drives them on to this goal in the face of hopelessness...and all the stuff that comes from such things. Many horrific and hopefully, some touching "tales from the front" in many ways. And of course, they'll end up being players in a major event that may define the now generations long conflict."

Found on io9.