Breakfast Granola for 6/4/9

Ah, this brings back memories of near tragedy when, once upon a time, my folks had a 1997 Buick LeSabre and we almost plowed through a deer.

I want to say the deer I encountered -- similar to the pictured deer -- had average deer IQ: this thing was fucking retarded. It dashed into the road, and instead of proceeding across so it didn't have to turn around, indeed turned around and went back the way it came. This is critical because it was crossing from right to left and paused in front of the driver's side, thus needing to re-cross the whole front bumper to remain alive. Thankfully, Dad put down enough brakes to give the beast those critical moments to do so, and not turn itself into venison jerky all over the 3800 V6, the windshield, and us.

Unfortunately, Bambi wasn't nearly as fortunate. Sorry, PETA!

Found on Jalopnik.

You flunked and I know why...

...because you got high,
because you got high,
because you got high...

A student in Purdy, Washington high school was arrested for smoking weed in school. The best part? He was smoking his joint while reading an essay on why pot should be legalized.

After he finished reading his essay aloud, he sat down, finished smoking his joint and then ate the end of the joint when he was done.

The 17-year-old with a 3.7 gpa was arrested on charges of marijuana possession.

He’s smart and got balls. But he forgot one thing: Just because you read an essay about why pot should be legalized, doesn’t mean it happens. Your essay isn’t a magical portal to a world where marijuana can be smoked legally… yeah that means, it’s still illegal.

Lesson: the cigaweeds make you forget important things like that.

Found on Olivia Munn.

Shirt for Jeff?

Thanks for making it simple, The Onion!

The pen is mightier than the...

Well, not really because a sword would fuck you up.

However, for lack of anything else, a pen can augment bare hands. Which is why I disagree with one portion of this adverstatement:

From Marines hunting terrorists in burning deserts, SAR expeditions in bone chilling mountains, SWAT officers executing high risk warrant service, EMTs functioning in extreme conditions, or a civilian working in a non-permissive environment. All of these special operations groups have something in common - they all require a pen that they can depend on...

If this civilian is, say, a lawyer, and the non-permissive environment is, say, the jail his client is in, this can be an incredibly bad thing. Such a pen definitely wouldn't be permitted in max/supermax facilities; you get these.

On a parallel digression, I'm recalling gun control advocates arguing that a crook will take your gun from you and kill you...so you should use pepperspray and dial 911 instead.

Q: What's stopping the crook from confiscating your pepperspray and phone?
A: Your sword, of course!

Found on Tuffwriter via Boing Boing.

Breakfast Granola for 6/3/9

File under fanatical (and misguided) devotion:

A 25-year-old Egyptian man cut off his own penis to spite his family after he was refused permission to marry a girl from a lower-class family, police reported Sunday.

After unsuccessfully petitioning his father for two years to marry the girl, the man heated up a knife and sliced off his reproductive organ, a police official said.

[....]

The man was rushed to the hospital, but doctors were unable to reattach the severed member, the official added, citing the police report filed after the incident.

I guess while eloping to spite his parents was out of the question -- y'know, so he could not only be with his dreamgirl but make use of his Schwartz -- self-dismemberment not only remained on the menu but was catch of the day.

Oh Egyptians, you so crazy!

Wetting whistles

What to drink: vodka cranberry, or gin and Lime?

The heretofore unknown Sara Lime was found on F-listed.

1001 Arabian Nights

This interpretation of fabled storyteller Scheherazade is by GENZOMAN of Deviantart.

Jeff's dream girl

Found on Olivia Munn.

Jeff, take notes

Found on Olivia Munn.

Breakfast Granola for 6/2/9

I cannot express to everyone how much I loathe and despise general contractors in general, and painters in particular. That being said, how about that Ken Block?



Found on Jalopnik.

Too easy

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Camaro FAIL!

A little bit of schadenfreude. And honestly, only a little. I'm no fan of the new Camaro, but the car lover in me feels this is FUBAR, and a fate reserved for only the worst of enemies.

May the culprits encounter an 18-wheeler with no brakes.

What must assuredly be grand theft was found on Jalopnik.

Forecast: HOT!

As much as I've been able to learn about Sugey Abrego is that she reads the weather in Spanish.

Don't know where, but I do know how: with her mouth. And that's all right.

FMD Crankmonkey seems to have struck a lot of Español, this time on F-listed.

Bone up on your Spanish

Géraldine Bazán is a "jane" of all trades. She acts, she sings, she's an activist, she's a philanthropist, and she's an anchorwoman (despite any objections from Ron Burgundy).

She's also very pleasant to look at.

This Mexican fugitive from Maxim was brought to my attention by FMD Crankmonkey and found on Cameltap.

A bag for tea?

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Got ninjutsu?

Paulo of Abduzeedo says it himself:

I know many people don't like manga at all. And would include myself between them... but a few months ago I came to know this awesome series. I've never liked the Zodiac Knights very much, or Dragonball, or whatever... but for me, Naruto is really awesome.

So he's not down with Saint Seiya or the DBZ, but he apparently likes the Narutos -- which has an alternately weird and fascinating fandom -- and has a small gallery of select Naruto illustrations.

Abduzeedo is run by some Brazillian cats who are all about their Adobe products, design, and illustration. Check them out.

"NARUTO - Eternal Rivlary" depicting Naruto Uzumaki vs. Sasuke Uchiha is by yanimator on Deviantart.

Breakfast Granola for 6/1/9

Giselle Bundchen greets you from today's Use My Computer.