Lunchtime With Betty

FMD Nevub arrived today with supplies: a box of Bakesale Betty chicken sandwiches. Two buttermilk fried chicken breasts and coarsecut slaw on a roll means they're already supergood, but with some hot sauce -- in this case, Cholula from FMD Whitey D -- they're absolutely Carolinian.

Ghostride FAIL

Too bad that Apache Chief is away; he might have been witness to this:

[A 17-year-old] girl was "performing a horseplay maneuver" as her 1980s-model Chevrolet Blazer idled along about 6 p.m. near San Jose Avenue and Stonewood Drive, said Brentwood police Sgt. Mark Misquez.

With music blaring from the vehicle, the girl apparently was standing on a footstep on the driver's side while the SUV crept forward, Misquez said. At some point, she slipped, lost her grip and fell to the ground, and shortly after the vehicle ran over her upper legs, he said.

[....]

"We wouldn't recommend folks doing this type of thing," Misquez said. "This is what can happen."

Breakfast Granola for 5/7/9

Today's tract from (the Black Books version of) The Little Book Of Calm: If you feel yourself under stress, imagine yourself on a calm, golden ocean. On a houseboat. With Melissa Baker. You are the captain of a calm boat this time.

Ahoy, the moistened Melissa Baker was sighted on F-listed.

Jack Bauer will fuck you up

Kiefer Sutherland is teh awesum, and his alter ego, Jack Bauer, eats terrorists for breakfast. Unfortunately Jack McCollough may not own a television and been made aware of Mr. Sutherland, which resulted in pain...

One report claims that McCollough bumped into fellow party guest Brooke Shields, prompting Sutherland to get physical with the designer. New York's Daily News reports that McCollough – a friend of Shields's – interrupted her and Sutherland while they were speaking outside the SoHo nightspot SubMercer and that Sutherland then allegedly headbutted McCollough after the two men exchanged words.

Nobody loves you, it's true

I have an automatic and preconceived mental image for BMW drivers -- a stereotype, if you will -- and as my mother has a handicap placard, this jackass isn't at all helping his brethren.

To misquote Wendy Williams: "You are an enemy in my head."

This violator was located on Jalopnik.

Breakfast Granola for 5/6/9

Jennifer Ellison wants YOU...to play some Dorito's Dodgeball. Me? I just like her for her pompoms.

Page 3/6 babe and sometimes cheerleader Jennifer Ellison was found on Hollywood Tuna.

Pardon me, but would you have any...

...Leah Dizon?

She's Filipino, but big in Japan as a gravure model. Sounds good enough for me.

This fly Pinay was found on Hollywood Tuna.

Made In America

Once upon a time, I met Chase Masterson. She still had short, red hair and didn't look terribly different from when she portrayed Leeta from Star Trek: Deep Space 9. This afternoon, while wandering the World Wide intertubes, I happened across some of her work on Robotech, and discovered she'd gone blonde.

Normally, I'd disapprove -- red hair = good, blonde hair = pedestrian -- but it really suits her. She's as awesome as she looks.

From Russia With Love

Never heard of Anna Sedokova before, but that all ends now.

This Russian import was found on Homicidal Insomniac via Use My Computer.

So long, Fatso

Dom DeLuise is probably better known from Cannonball Run and History Of The World, but it's Buddy Bizarre in Blazing Saddles who made me LOL...

It's official: ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!

Well, not really, but this page on Bounce With Me sure makes it look like the BBC is saying so. April Fools Day happens late out there, I guess...

Even if Ada Wong does come, be prepared anyway.

Breakfast Granola for 5/5/9

Happy Fifth of May! Go learn English, you bastards!

Despite that this image isn't in the gallery, it's still of Salma Hayek; she's in there on the bottom row, but I like my picture more (is it the cleavage, perhaps?).

Ms. Hayek is doubtless among the most interesting of anything from Mexico (is it the cleavage, perhaps?), but I'm thinking Colonel Pershing could've fished around a little longer and she would've been an American citizen from the jump...

Lovely though the offerings are, I'm disappointed in the multiple inclusions of a few names -- Isabel Madow, Camila Sodi, Barbara Mori, Anette Michel -- when there's at least one notable exclusion: Selena Quintanilla. Recently-featured Maribel Guardia also springs to mind. Silly Coed Mag, too much tequila is indeed muy malo...

This southern excursion was found on Coed.

Dear Leader is not a joke

In far fewer words and more succinctly than I'd probably put what I've noticed since about November 4th-ish, 2008:

"If you're a comedian and you die and go to heaven, Bill Clinton is your president," said Robert J. Thompson, director of the Bleier Center for Television and Popular Culture at Syracuse University. "If you're a comedian and you die and go to hell, Barack Obama is your president."

Found on LA Times via Little Green Footballs.

This is only a test...

Everybody loves Reef Girls, but seriously, this is only a test.

This Reef Girl was unearthed by FMD Crankmonkey on EJB.

Take this with you; there are raccoons

Olivia Munn warns us: Raccoon poop can make you go blind!

A teenager is blind in one eye and a toddler is now brain damaged because of a rare disease transmitted through raccoon feces.

Be on the alert for raccoon roundworm, which can cause nausea, nerve damage and even death. The worms lay eggs in the feces; they hatch after being ingested and travel through the body

First, the garbage cans. Now, our eyes. Without apologies to PETA, raccoons within range of my Airforce Talon SS are doomed.

It's Monday, Jeff! Did you take your happy pills?

moar funny pictures

Breakfast Granola for 5/4/9

If The Mine were Denny's, we'd have to call this breakfast Olivia Munn's Epic Slam...

Police in Kentucky found concealed drugs stuffed inside 20-year-old Ashley Greene’s private parts.

She hid $60, crack cocaine and marijuana in her Britney in an attempt to bring them into the jail.

She must have a very roomy vagina. All I could fit was one piece of pie.

First off, I want Olivia's one piece of pie for it would be pie of EPIC WIN.

Second, Ashley's feat is impressive, but not impossible. I'm aware of an Asian Indian girl who had the capacity for a fifth of tequila. Ask me how I know, I dare you.

All the same, whether you're eating out or eating in, make sure you eat hearty.