Jeff + knitting + ??? = PROFIT!

Anything to keep his hands "otherwise" busy, right? Why not a new Fat Spiderman suit?

Jesikah Maximus Gallery

Another collection of Jesikah Maximus shots. Always fun for all the kids.
Jesikah Maximus sexy photo gallery | Funtasticus.com

Autos: Mosler MT900 GTR

The Bachelor Guy » 2009 Mosler MT900 GTR XX to Tear Up US Roads

the GTR XX weighs a feather-light 2450 pounds (thanks to advanced composite carbon fiber and Kevlar® construction), making the horsepower-to-weight ratio so small, each of those horses only has to propel a miniscule 4 pounds

Definitely awesome. Also awesome...when the jackass that can afford it wraps it into a tree at 100+. There will be nothing left but a pile of carbon fiber

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my mother. Prepare to die."

I don't figure Indianapolis PD gets many calls like this...

A man died Monday, days after he was involved in a swordfight with the grandson of a woman who was killed when she tried to intervene in the fight, police said.

Adolf Stegbauer, 69, died from complications of a stab wound. Charges pending against Chris Rondeau, 39, were expected to be upgraded. Police said he stabbed Stegbauer.

Franziska Stegbauer, 77, also died as a result of stab wounds after the fight early Thursday morning, but police were not initially sure which of the men had stabbed her.

Rondeau and Adolf Stegbauer got into an argument at a home in the 5200 block of Raceway Road that escalated when one of the men grabbed a sword, prompting the other man to also brandish a sword.

Rondeau was already held on an attempted murder charge stemming from the stabbing of Adolf Stegbauer.

Sword control, anyone? Personally, I think open carry for blades would make for an incredibly polite society. Then again, I think I just want a new sword.

Too Much Time? Style Your Shoelaces

Ian's Shoelace Site

Fun, fashion & science in this quirky site about shoelaces. Whether you want to learn to lace shoes, tie shoelaces, stop shoelaces from coming undone, calculate shoelace lengths or even repair aglets, Ian's Shoelace Site has the answer!

Separated at birth?

Janet Napolitano and Joe Torre?

Go ahead, let the smooth taste fool you

Laura Doré is many things -- according to the webtubes, "of Brazilian, African-American, Italian, French, Polish and Puerto Rican descent" -- but right now, she's just eyecandy.

Laura Doré spotted on F-listed.

Breakfast Granola for 4/14/9

Oddly, this reminds me that I haven't had galbi in a while, and that I generally distrust Korean car manufacturers.

This stack of Korean carshow booth babes was found on Jalopnik.

Bernie Mac warned us, but Olivia Munn was witness

Bernie Mac once offered up a valuable life lesson: "There are two things you don't mess with on a human body, and that's your stomach and your bootyhole."

Today, the lovely Olivia Munn regales us with this tale from La-La Land...

In Beverly Hills driving with my windows rolled down. Next to super hot chick in a Bentley Coupe talking really loudly on her bluetooth with her windows rolled down, too. Not sure who she was talking to, but this is what she said:

“Uuughh.. My asshole keeps bleeding every time I go to the bathroom…. (long pause for response on the other end of phone)… No.. Yeah, I think he just ripped it.”

Yes. That happened.

Oh, hot California girls- you so crazy.

Um, wow. Not enough lube, bad technique, or round peg too big for square hole? YOU make the call!

Image of BIG TUNNELS from the wikitubes.

One Step Closer to Ghost in The Shell - Tech for Saito

Pirates Beware: Next-Gen Snipers Could Get Guided Bullets, Super Scopes | Danger Room from Wired.com

A sniper using one of these will be a truly invisible assassin, with the ideal technology for picking off high-value targets.

Related articles

• Army's Ultimate Paintball Gun is No Toy (wired.com)
• Laser weapon design hits 100-kilowatt target (news.cnet.com)

Japanese girls: best when they come in pairs

Never heard of Aya Kiguchi (R), but I knew of Rina Akiyama from Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (she's on a poster within the game), and for having an amazing ass for an Asian.

Gallery found while wandering the googlenets.

Kid FAIL - Smoking Smarties

Smoking Smarties candy - Boing Boing

Apparently an increasing number of young people enjoy "smoking" crushed Smarties candy. They inhale the candy dust into the mouth and then exhale, producing what looks like thick smoke.

Seriously WTF! Your kid's too stupid to not know this is a bad thing? You would think with that level of stupid you would just move on to drugs instead. Smarties flavored crack anyone?

That's some Method Man Type Acting

SFGate: Woody Harrelson likens paparazzo to zombie

Harrelson says he was "still very much in character" when he was met by the photographer, who, he adds, he mistook for a zombie.

Props to Old Shoe to keeping those Zombies in check. Wake up American, bem zombies be a commin.

Related articles

• Woody Harrelson + Zombies = Awesome (yesbutnobutyes.com)
• Woody Harrelson chases zombies through La Guardia - breaks zombie camera (gadling.com)
• Woody Harrelson claims he mistook photographer for zombie (cnn.com)
• Police probe Harrelson's alleged assault on 'zombie' paparazzo (cbc.ca)
• Harrelson facing assault claims (news.bbc.co.uk)

Let the drinking begin! Waring Super Mixer II

Waring Super Mixer II | Uncrate

features stainless steel construction, a heavy-duty 1.2 HP motor with variable speed control, and a splash guard that moves up and down with the cup.

Polar Bear says, "U smell liek fud!"

It used to be there was a good cure for "teh dum": death. Unfortunately, some fellow Germans kept this woman from receiving it...

The 32-year-old leapt over bars at Berlin Zoo during the bears' feeding time yesterday.

Despite six zookeepers' efforts to distract the four predators kept in the enclosure, the woman was bitten several times on her arms and legs.

The brave keepers eventually managed to push the bear away and pull the woman to safety.

[...]

It is not known why the woman pulled the dangerous stunt but she initially appeared to be elated as she swam towards a bear in the enclosure.

Oh, you Germans so crazy!

Oh, really? I see your threat and raise you DEATH!

Um, wow...they don't get it.

Somali pirates were quick to vow revenge over the shooting of their comrades, as well as a French military assault to rescue a yacht on Friday.

"The French and the Americans will regret starting this killing. We do not kill, but take only ransom. We shall do something to anyone we see as French or American from now," Hussein, a pirate, told Reuters by satellite phone.

I like that bit, "We do not kill, but take only ransom," as if extortion is a perfectly sensible activity, like shopping for groceries, or meeting your friends for a drink, or holding down a job that doesn't involve piracy. Hussein, what needs to happen is for you and your pirate buddies to regret not taking up knitting, and I'm positively gleeful at the prospect of the Navy delivering more. Ah, lovely schadenfreude...

By the way, anyone heard from the "shores of Tripoli" lately?

Breakfast Granola for 4/13/9

First, congratulations to the FULL crew of MV Maersk Alabama. Second, thanks to "Dear Leader" for passing the order to make it happen (moreover to the SEALs who cleaned up, of course). Third and last, I'm hoping that Dear Leader isn't just jawsing...

President Barack Obama said the United States was resolved to end piracy off the shores of Somalia and welcomed the rescue of cargo ship captain Richard Phillips on Sunday.

I won't be holding my breath for other countries to weep over "American cowboy unilateralism." This piracy IS terrorism, and unless you count paying "tribute," it's only been us and the French, who I won't be able to make fun of for at least a week due to their recovery of the Tanit...

Let's read that again: the U.S. and the French have now done more than the bulk of the world on this issue, but since it's probably been hitting everyone in the pocketbook with elevated ubiquity, they suddenly won't care that we're doing their dirtywork.

Today's trivia: The first USN vessel on the scene of the Maersk Alabama hijacking, USS Bainbridge (DDG-96), is named for Commodore William Bainbridge, who fucked up vs. the Barbary pirates, not once but twice, then helped get Commodore Stephen Decatur, the guy who saved him and finished his job against the pirates, killed in a duel. Let's hope this makes up for things.