How to order a girly drink without seeming gay

Dan Seitz offers up a guest column on Holy Taco to assist the Jeffs of the world who own the conundrum of wanting a fruity drink yet not wanting to come across as a fruit.

I say just learn to like Scotch -- LIKE A MAN -- but the best advice is probably the last bit:

Stop Being Such a Wuss

After all, you are a grown adult, not somebody from high school. It's OK not to like beer (Ed. note: No, it isn't). Presumably you don't suffer from the kind of crippling emotional insecurity it would take for a human being to actually agonize over what other people think of their drink order, because nobody, including the bartender or the woman you're trying to impress, actually gives a shit. And if she does care about your drink order, then she's probably just as big a crippled wad of insecurity as you are, meaning she'll probably do absolutely anything that gives her an ounce of attention, no matter how disgusting or degrading it is.

In other words, totally play up the gay thing, and then convince her she's so hot you're willing to "go straight." Just be sure to have seen some "Sex and the City" first, to make the illusion convincing. As an added bonus, she’ll probably be more accepting of the back door in his scenario, since she’ll want you to feel comfortable.