Headless in Humpty Doo

From Jalopnik:

Following a ute crash in Humpty Doo, NT, Australia, and reports indicating the female passenger may have been engaging in amorous activities with the driver, the 34-year-old waitress would just like everyone to know "I was not sucking his d***."

First off, "Humpty Doo"!? Yes, Humpty Doo. Second, I really don't think this waitress gets the point of the crash, but let it be known that Alysson White does not -- repeat: DOES NOT -- give out brain:

"I was not sucking his d*** - and it's pretty obvious that wasn't the case ... you only have to look at the mark on my chest, clearly I had my seatbelt on, so it's impossible that I'd be leaning over sucking his d*** unless he is hung like a donkey or I've got a f****** rubber neck. If it was true I'd just cop it sweet and think 'how embarassing, I got caught sucking someone's d***' - but it is not true and that's what is p****** me off. It didn't happen like that at all - he was just going too fast. I don't understand where that story has come from.

"It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my girls were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something and he'd already paid me.

"But $5 is a bit cheap for a head job.''

Personally, I'd be afraid that she'd rip off my junk to feed her baby dingoes, or trade it to a witch doctor for a pack of smokes and some Carlton Draught.